Full Joke ( Husband ) --- Why I fired my Secretary

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 11:50

Why I fired my Secretary



Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.



I went downstairs for breakfast

hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

'Happy Birthday!',

and possibly have a small present for me.



As it turned out,

she barely said good morning,

let alone

' Happy Birthday.'



I thought....



Well, that's marriage for you,

but the kids...

They will remember.



My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast

and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office,

I felt pretty low

and somewhat despondent.





Cont .....

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 11:51

As I walked into my office,

my secretary Jane said,

'Good Morning Boss,

and by the way

Happy Birthday !

It felt a little better

that at least someone had remembered.



I worked until one o'clock,

when Jane knocked on my door

and said, 'You know,

it's such a beautiful day outside,

and it is your Birthday,

what do you say we go out to lunch,

just you and me?

I said, 'Thanks, Jane,

that's the greatest thing

I've heard all day.

Let's go !'



We went to lunch.

But we didn't go

where we normally would go.

She chose instead a quiet bistro

with a private table.

We had two martinis each

and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.





Cont ....

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 11:52

On the way back to the office,

Jane said, 'You know,

It's such a beautiful day...

We don't need to go straight back to the office,

do we ?'



I responded,

'I guess not.

What do you have in mind ?'

She said,

'Let's drop by my apartment,

it's just around the corner.'



After arriving at her apartment,

Jane turned to me and said,



' Boss, if you don't mind,

I'm going to step into the bedroom

for just a moment.

I'll be right back.'

'Ok.' I nervously replied.



Cont ....

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 11:54

She went into the bedroom and,

after a couple of minutes,

she came out

carrying a huge birthday cake ...

followed

by my wife,

my kids,

and dozens of my friends

and co-workers,

all singing 'Happy Birthday'.





And I just sat there....



On the couch...



Bollock naked



And that my friends,



Is why I fired my secretary





Sorry don't know what happened to part 3 1st attempt :-(



Navek

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 18:27

Filth!!!!!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 18:34

"I have to have a raise," the secretary said to her boss. "There are three other companies after me."



"Is that so?" asked the boss. "What other companies are after you?"



"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 18:39

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.

2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.

A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.

The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities.

The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 18:41

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.



The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.



Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking, there's no paper in this one either."

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 18:43

There were these two priests who rode bikes to church every Sunday. Well one day one of the priests showed up to work without his bike. The other priest asked where his bike was so the first priest said, "I don't know, but I think it got stolen!"



The other priest said, "Well what you do is read off the Ten Commandments, and when you get to "Thou shall not steal" someone will confess to the crime."



The next time the two saw each other the priest had his bicycle back. "I see you got your bike back! Did you do what I said?" the one priest said.



The other said, "Well kind of, when I was reading the commandments and I got to Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, I seemed to remember where I had left it."

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 18:53

Keep them coming and navek thats was so funny

sheila

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 19:30

More Filth !!!!

zhivago


Joined: 21/01/2009
Posts: 70

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 20:08

az we zay the oldies are bestest

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 21:41

Zhivago. "ze oldest are always ze bestest". ))