Passport Application - tongue in cheek

orangekazzie



Joined: 31/07/2007
Posts: 1091

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 20:52

This is meant to bring light relief and not upset or offend anyone.



Subject: Passport Application

>

>

> Dear Minister,

> I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to

> understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

>

> How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and

> telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back

> in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on

> what date?

>

> How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every

> Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I

> have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you

> still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with

> contractors working for the government?

>

> How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I

> am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the

> government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will

> keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

> Do you people do this by hand?

>

> You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one

> with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's

> on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports

> I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill

> out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and

> all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the

> electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our

> lords and masters are up for re-election.

>

> Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in

> Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if

> that ever changed between now and the day I die!

>

> I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between

> you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house,

> then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of

> Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin

> Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just

> want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of

> week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

>

> Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get

> another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to

> the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to

> have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new

> passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make

> sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with

> our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on

> the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile

> in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

>

> I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten

> years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which

> allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime

> Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been

> doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the

> Services. However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am --

> you know, someone like my doctor...

> who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN

> PAKISTAN...

>

> Yours sincerely,

> An Irate British

pollytat


Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 87

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 21:38

Nice one Orangekazzie.

Polly

Colliedog


Joined: 16/03/2007
Posts: 132

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 22:12

Hi Orangekazzie,



Don't you remember? because the government expects you to.



All your details were recorded on CDs and guess what " they've lost them to."



Great Read.



Colliedog

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 22:24

The goverment have lost more than cd's they have lost the people!!!!!!!!!

Colliedog


Joined: 16/03/2007
Posts: 132

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 22:29

Hi Jock1,



Can't agree more.



I just can't wait to get lost in 3yrs time.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 22:33

COUNTING DOWN NOW less than 60 days........

orangekazzie



Joined: 31/07/2007
Posts: 1091

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 22:39

Hi Jock1

Congratulations, you'll love it. Just remember yavas yavas and you'll be fine.

Karen

Colliedog


Joined: 16/03/2007
Posts: 132

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 22:44

Thanks for that, now you've really P****d me off.



Don't think for one minute you'll regret it, must be getting really excited.



Don't know how many of us will be left in 3yrs, so if its me I not knocking the lights out so they won't know who was last.

orangekazzie



Joined: 31/07/2007
Posts: 1091

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 22:49

Colliedog

Three years is only 36 months or 156 weeks, it'll go in no time honest.

Karen

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 22:59

orangekazzie, it seems such a long time since we first planned it, but its amazing how quick its on us now. just have to leare to live at a slower pace, but belive me i shall.

Thank you jock

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 23:03

colliedog

it will be on you sooner than you think, keep believing!!!!!!!!!

ronaldo


Joined: 14/11/2007
Posts: 372

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 23:05

Hi Karen

Good Post , my son has just had to go through the same idiotic procedure with his daughter (my Grandaughter} They had to go to Liverpool and sit through an interview were my son wasnt allowed to speak as they were told the interview would be terminated . Our Grand Daughter was asked stupid questions like when was her mum and dad first married what were there names etc etc etc. had she any other parents other than the ones who were sat with her"By The way this is her first passport on her own she has just turned sixteen. been on her parents passport previously . What A Farce""" suppose it keeps someone in a job though "

do agree this goverment as really lost its way?

Just wish I could, Lose my way I mean" In NC

Regrds Ron

Colliedog


Joined: 16/03/2007
Posts: 132

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 23:10

Hi OK & j1,



Thank you both. It's this forum and UKT that are keeping me sane !!!!!!!!!!



OK I've decided to count the weeks waiting a month is tooooooo long.

orangekazzie



Joined: 31/07/2007
Posts: 1091

Message Posted:
03/03/2008 23:16

Oh for the good old days. Cyprus is how I remember the UK when I was growing up. You trusted everyone and no one was ever too busy to stop and pass the time of day with you. If someone fell over in the street you stopped to help not assume they were either drunk or on drugs. If a lost child was crying you could cuddle them without the fear of being accused of pedophilia.

If my granddaughter falls over in the playground and scratches her leg/arm an adult is not allowed to administer a plaster, an older child has to do it. What is the world coming to. All a child needs is a cuddle to reassure them.

Karen

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
04/03/2008 05:10

Hi karen , i agree with you entirely , my son lost his passport just the day before he was flying back to uk for xmas , had emergency documents to travel . but when we went to get a replacement passport , thats when the trouble started , 4 times we went back and fore to the passport office their incompetance is uncomprehendable , we made a complaint at the advice of one of the staff as we were given wrong information on several occasions , one being we had to attend peterborough office as he had it issued there ????????? we phoned beforehand to check what we needed before we went { took name of person we spoke to } only to be told we hadnt got the correct documents when we got there . and was asked why we came to that particular office. we explained and was told the person that dealt with us had given us the wrong info , apologised and advised us to put the complaint in writing , which we did , 3 further visits to the office in london we got the passport . got a letter back acknowledging complaint saying that they were satisfied that the application was dealt with correctly . that passport cost about £ 200 taking all the travelling into account and all the agro , my husbands and mine are coming up for renewal , and i am dreading it if my sons is anything to go by, and yes times have changed karen , and for the worse i would say

have a good day , pat

chrissie


Joined: 29/01/2008
Posts: 50

Message Posted:
06/03/2008 10:53

hi o-kazzie

you've just put into words what i've had going round in my head for ages about the UK when you were growing up - things here have changed so radically over the past 50 years that the place is unrecogniseable and uncomfortable to be in so it was heart-warming to read that cyprus retains the values that we cherish but can no longer find in our own country. who on earth ever thought that we would be accepting of the way things are turning out here. i seem to grow ever more frustrated and angry and it's not how i'd imagined feeling in my later years. when i leave these shores it will be the best thing for me and my sanity.

your 'light relief' at the top was excellent and sadly so true.

chrissie - counting the months.

the butler


Joined: 22/06/2007
Posts: 1958

Message Posted:
06/03/2008 15:53

Hi All,



Just something to bear in mind when applying for new passports, the post office will check through your application forms for any mistakes you might have made or questions you are not sure about. I think the charge is £10.00 but well worth it for peace of mind or in a hurry.



Avril

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
06/03/2008 16:17

oh well butler , something less to worry about , any body know anything about the new passports .

regards , simbas

davidoff


Joined: 21/04/2007
Posts: 438

Message Posted:
06/03/2008 16:54

Hi all,



I ve used the postoffice check and send service a few times now and its well worth the extra tenner!!



They double check youve filled everything out correctly and that the photo will be accepted etc!!



They get a little measuring device out to make sure your photos the correct size and that your head is completely centred right- as apparently 1 mm out and they will send you passport application and photo back!!!



How rediculous?? Dont even get me started on the thousands of immigration issues we have that ARE NOT DEALT WITH!!!



Wished they would put this much time, money, resources and energy into immigration problems??

Wilsonian


Joined: 26/05/2007
Posts: 18

Message Posted:
06/03/2008 17:09

what i find ridiculous is my daughters passport photo. She was 4 months old at the time, the rules state that she had to sit up un aided or if she was that you cant see the hands,,,,, the photo we had with no hands in it was over exposed, but they accepted it..This pasport is valid till she is 5 years old, she is now 4 and the photo could be anyone.!

orangekazzie



Joined: 31/07/2007
Posts: 1091

Message Posted:
08/03/2008 00:29

and the sad reality is it keeps someone employed (and keeps the numbers down so it looks better in the stats). God don't get me started on this as I could go on forever about too many chiefs and not enough indians.

Karen