Joke - Mathematics Of Life!

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
15/06/2009 15:18

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:

Smart man + smart woman = romance



Smart man + dumb woman = marriage



Dumb man + smart woman = affair



Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy



______________________________







OFFICE ARITHMETIC:



Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime



_____________________________







SHOPPING MATH:

A man will pay £20 for a £10 item he needs.



A woman will pay £10 for a £20 item that she doesn't need.



_____________________________







GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:



A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.



A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.



A successful woman is one who can find such a man.





Cont.....

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
15/06/2009 15:19

HAPPINESS:



To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.



To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



______________________________







LONGEVITY:



Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.



______________________________







PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:



A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.



A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.



____________________________







DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:



A woman has the last word in any argument.



Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.











HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:



Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs, cackling and telling me, "You're next."



They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.



Have A Nice Day,



Navek

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
15/06/2009 15:36

you crack me up...keep them coming....

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
15/06/2009 15:48

Hi billyboy1,



Hope your not a Blonde!



I Want to Buy That........



A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.



The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.



The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.



Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.



Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.



To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.



The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"



The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
15/06/2009 17:08

Very good, i like it.......and yes i am blonde.....but i dont take offence at blonde jokes......i do occassionally have very blonde moments, blame it on the hair or the age...at least i have a choice

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
15/06/2009 17:18

love them Nav. Im a redhead but get my blond moments also. Then its not the grey matter that counts it the amount of grey in the hair we worry about xxx

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
15/06/2009 17:21

Lilli, why do u think i am blonde now....hides the greys easier.....c u in 4 weeks...whoooppppeeeee

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
15/06/2009 17:24

cant wait my love xx im chilling our fav wine

proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
16/06/2009 01:13

And why is it that no matter how badly a woman makes a mess of something, its the man who ends up apologising for upsetting her when he told her she should have done it right and if a man makes a mess of something he also ends up apologising to the woman because he upset her by making the mess in the first place.



And to top it all off the man ends up upsetting the woman for doing everything himself and not trusting her to do it.



What ever happened to equality ????

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
16/06/2009 01:33

Two for Lilli....



A redhead went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."



The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."



The redhead replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"





Another...........





A redhead walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells, x-large condoms.



He replies, "Yes, we do, would you like to buy some?"



She replies, "No sir, but if you don't mind I'd like to hang out here until someone does."









Navek

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
16/06/2009 10:51

One for Navek........could be classed as a blonde moment...





I bought a deodorant stick today

I'd never used one before, so I read the instructions. They said 'Remove top and slowly push up bottom'

I'm in Casualty at the moment, but my farts smell lovely!!!

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
16/06/2009 10:54

Hope you get gubbed at snooker................

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
17/06/2009 12:55

only kidding kevan, or am i .............?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
17/06/2009 13:28

Ever notice that when the doorbell rings, the dog's the first one to the door, but it's never for him?

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
17/06/2009 13:37

Hi Jock,



Darts at The Poppin tonight from 7pm, upstairs.



ALL DRINKS 50% OFF



from 4pm till 8pm Wednesdays ONLY



Chefs Special only 10tl, mix of Indian Food, very good.



Snooker's on a Thursday night.



Navek