joke: hello duck

dav88



Joined: 01/08/2008
Posts: 605

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 13:37

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.



When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'



So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.



It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.



Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'



The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.



The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

scoobydoo


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 2434

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 13:39

I think the end is missing!!!

Thinker


Joined: 11/11/2008
Posts: 169

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 13:47

????????????????????

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 13:47

All versions of this joke including the end: http://tinyurl.com/pqnjfu

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 13:48

Try This Ending.....



She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.



St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"



The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"



Sorry dav88.



Navek

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 13:49

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN



Compliment her,

respect her,

honour her,

cuddle her,

kiss her, caress her,

love her, stroke her,

tease her,

comfort her,

protect her,

hug her,

hold her,

spend money on her,

wine and dine her,

buy things for her,

listen to her,

care for her,

stand by her,

support her,

hold her,

go to the ends of the Earth for her.







HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN



Show up naked.

Bring food.

dav88



Joined: 01/08/2008
Posts: 605

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 14:07

HAHA SORRY HERE IS THE END:



Contunies.....................



She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.



St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.



The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'











The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a

duck.

dav88



Joined: 01/08/2008
Posts: 605

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 14:08

NAVEK!! U STOLE THE END OF MY STORY LOL :D I was on the phone so it took me a while! so ill let you off this time

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 14:52

Navek...message 8...just read this to my partner ....he disagrees with you...

he says...show up naked...bring beer.......



what shall i do with him????

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 15:06

dav88. You quacked me up with that joke ))

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 15:10

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, 'I'm so sorry, your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away.'

The distressed owner wailed, 'Are you sure?'

'Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead', he replied.

'How can you be so sure?' she protested. 'I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything! He might just be in a coma or something.'

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 15:10

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on it's haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, 'I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.'

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.

'£150!' she cried, '£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!'

The vet shrugged.' I'm sorry. If you' d taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150.'

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 15:12

The man who is the world's leading expert on wasps is walking through Town one day when he passes an old vinyl record shop.

Looking in the window, an album catches his eye: 'The Sounds of Wasps from Around the World' . He enters the store and asks the salesgirl if he can listen to the album.

'Sure...just go into the booth and put on the headphones, 'replies the shop assistant.

He does this and listens to ten minutes of buzzing noises until he can take no more.....he leaves the booth and says to the salesgirl, 'I'm an expert on wasps and I have to say that I didn't recognise any of those noises' .

'Oh, I'm so sorry, 'answers the assistant, 'I was playing you the B side.' (Bee)

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/06/2009 15:41

This thread is now closed. Reason: Not specified.