Need advice, my 8 year old daughter is so shy

tulik


Joined: 14/07/2009
Posts: 220

Message Posted:
25/08/2009 11:05

She seems to be getting worse, her confidence is slipping. We were down at the harbour the other night and she wouldnt even give a coin to the busker there.

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
25/08/2009 11:11

Tulik,

It is an awful thing shyness, I suffered from this well into adulthood. Is she really good at something? If so use this to boost her confidence not only with children but with adults as well. Alternately find something she is interested in and really nurture this with her until her confidence returns. Hope this helps and Good Luck.

Chris

dizzycows


Joined: 12/05/2009
Posts: 2736

Message Posted:
25/08/2009 11:29

Perhaps getting her to be interested in animals, get her to help at stables, if there are any in NC, usually animals help with shyness. It does take over someones life for a while, but I am sure with your love and patience it will get better. lol

tulik


Joined: 14/07/2009
Posts: 220

Message Posted:
25/08/2009 11:35

Thank you all so much, its all great advice.

Happy Hussar


Joined: 01/10/2008
Posts: 318

Message Posted:
25/08/2009 12:18

Our 8 year old Granddaughter lives here with us in catalkoy. She is a lovely friendly girl who makes friends easily ( she has to as she attends the local village school!) Maybe they could get together for an afternoon or two and play together. Just a thought.

Tony

RedSnapper


Joined: 12/08/2008
Posts: 540

Message Posted:
25/08/2009 12:20

My daughter was also fairly shy and spent time regularly every week with me as we were not a family.

She used to stick to me like glue and i gave her plenty of support and gave her small tasks to do like you tried and gave her praise and a smile.

She also got involved at the stables which helped.

Gradually her confidence grew and shes fine now, really outgoing.

fire starter


Joined: 19/06/2008
Posts: 3401

Message Posted:
25/08/2009 13:51

when i was her age i was very shy, i don't know how i changed? i think it just comes with age.

i was so shy that one day before school which i hated, i covered myself with red dots from a marker pen and told my mum i was sick. (i must have been about 5 or 6 ish.)

my mum sent me to the bathroom for a good scrub and sent me to school late.

my parents also tried sending me to a stage school on saturdays hoping it would help, it didn't and i hated it so much.

i now have two kids one is very outgoing and the other is quite shy.



i'm sure she will find her own way as she gets older, just give her your support its the best you can do!

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
26/08/2009 01:20

I was also shy as a child, and later described as "reserved" No-one would believe it now! You grow out of it, and it isn't the worst thing. In this age it is quite refreshing to find a little shyness. Don't worry. Encourage her

to do things she likes and is good at, and she will gradually gain confidence in herself.

chinaeyes


Joined: 13/02/2009
Posts: 425

Message Posted:
26/08/2009 13:20

Have you left family to live in TRNC ,if your daughter has just left grandparents etc maybe she is a little depressed.Children dont tell you they are unhappy incase it causes you to be unhappy,[vicious circle].

Have you tried calling family with skype,when you can see your relatives etc it does make being away from them much easier.

Course being her mum you have probably thought about all this,just felt if i could help with my input.

If she has a hobby encourage her,even join her and hope she will soon be happy.

scoobydoo


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 2434

Message Posted:
26/08/2009 14:02

Tulik,



There are horse stables at the Catalkoy Riding Club if you fancy taking her along and seeing if there is any interest.

scoobydoo


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 2434

Message Posted:
26/08/2009 14:06

I meant to say that my niece was exactly the same so my brother encouraged her to try ALL sorts of things;

riding



tennis - I think there is a club at the Belediye courts, at there are kids having group lessons she could mix in with



learning a new language in a group (she loved that and learnt Turkish for when she visits me),



music lessons - she now plays reasonably well the piano and the guitar



I guess its all about finding the 'right' thing for your daughter, the only thing my neice gave up was the tennis, it is now costing my brother a fortune in all these other activities!

decanddyl


Joined: 17/01/2009
Posts: 792

Message Posted:
30/08/2009 22:47

My daughter was also shy and timid she was given all the usual praise and encouragement, she was never pushed to do anything she did'nt want to do. It takes time and patience -she did grow out off it as will your daughter, no two children are the same and with each and every one comes a different little person and as long as she attends school and interacts with her school friends and teacher the shyness will sort its self out however if your daughter is not interacting with her school friends or teacher it's a different ball game and you would be better talking to a specialist in that field. I wish you both well.



ps my daughter is now a well adjusted outgoing young mum with one very quiet son and another who is the exact opposite

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
30/08/2009 23:02

I was a very shy young irish girl who was so badly bullied at schools in the UK. its awfull and I feel for her but I do agree with Dizzy animals are a great way forward. Last year my daughter and youngest grandchild visited. He is autistic did he speak to me NO . Just before he came I had adopted another little soul what did he do sit behind the chair and speak to him. this has brought him on so mch now im glammama and he takes control of the phone when I call. Its so hard hen they miss friends and family but your a good mum so take solice she hopefullly will outgrow it. You have had good advice from better qualified than me. Let her be herself. She is with you and she will adjust. I had 13 schools around the world and had to. Im sure she will find a friend and remain well adjusted. good luck I know you have her best at heart. She will soon find her way then relax xx

cyprusairsoft



Joined: 22/06/2009
Posts: 2066

Message Posted:
31/08/2009 18:10

a pet or a friend will do wonders

tulik


Joined: 14/07/2009
Posts: 220

Message Posted:
03/09/2009 23:12

I feel so assured, thank you everyone for such great advice.

Freethinker


Joined: 18/03/2009
Posts: 91

Message Posted:
04/09/2009 11:56

I really wish the word 'shy' did not exist.....it should be removed from the English dictionary! Can we refer to it as 'lacking in confidence' - that is surely something that can be worked on?



As a child I was 'labelled' as 'shy' and spent my youth and early adulthood overcoming it. I also used to get embarrassed really easily.....which didn't help matters. Over it now ...thankfully!



Tulik, the more your daughter hears a description of herself as being 'shy' the worse she will become....I am certain that she has plenty of confidence at home ...and that's the place to begin. Encourage her to invite her friends to your home, and wherever possible introduce your friends in the same way. Never force her into situations that she is uncomfortable with ....she will overcome in her own time and in her own way. Gentle persuasion to join any activity group that she enjoys will help ....when she is ready. A drama group would be great but it has to be her decision/idea ...and not yours.

Freethinker


Joined: 18/03/2009
Posts: 91

Message Posted:
04/09/2009 12:00

I really wish the word 'shy' did not exist.....it should be removed from the English dictionary! Can we refer to it as 'lacking in confidence' - that is surely something that can be worked on?



As a child I was 'labelled' as 'shy' and spent my youth and early adulthood overcoming it. I also used to get embarrassed really easily.....which didn't help matters. Over it now ...thankfully!



Tulik, the more your daughter hears a description of herself as being 'shy' the worse she will become....I am certain that she has plenty of confidence at home ...and that's the place to begin. Encourage her to invite her friends to your home, and wherever possible introduce your friends in the same way. Never force her into situations that she is uncomfortable with ....she will overcome in her own time and in her own way. Gentle persuasion to join any activity group that she enjoys will help ....when she is ready. A drama group would be great but it has to be her decision/idea ...and not yours.