these are genuine clips from council complaint letters:

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 09:35

1: My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing.

2: He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house, and I just can't take anymore.

3: It’s the dog mess I find hard to swallow.

4: I want some repairs done to my cooker, as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6: And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7: I wish to complain that the tiles are missing from my outside toilet roof. I think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8: My lavatory is cracked, where do I stand?

9: I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10: Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11: I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 09:36

12: 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

13: I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14: The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15: Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16: Our lavatory seat is broken in half, and now split into 3 pieces.

17: I wish to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cow wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me!

18: The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19: Our kitchen floor is damp, we have 2 children and would like a 3rd so please send someone round to do something about it.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 09:36

20: I am a single women living in a downstairs flat, and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21: Please send a man round with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22: I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times, but I still get no satisfaction.

23: This is to let you know our lavatory seat is broken and we still can’t get bbc2.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 09:38

You can just imagine the council workers faces when they read things like this. xxx

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 09:41

No3 is quite funny.

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 10:55

No 11 kills me, but what a laugh

nareik


Joined: 26/01/2009
Posts: 113

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 19:00

For me it's gotta be No. 1 !!

Mindy



Joined: 27/10/2008
Posts: 1210

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 19:04

I am still laughing, well done

elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 19:06

I think they are all hilarious but no.1 for me too

ismet

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 19:16

HA HA HA another classic from you No1, you are my favourite poster and mod hope that scores me some brownie points next time i get in trouble lol.

7wonder


Joined: 14/03/2008
Posts: 96

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 19:18

This is the best post EVER!!!!! Couldn't stop laughing.

taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
04/11/2009 19:39

A member of my family was in the insurance business and dealing with a claim for a small fire that burnt some clothes drying on a rack in front of the fire. I was in stitches when he told me who the woman had put down as witnesses...... Witness 1 - the dog and Witness 2 - the husband.



Apart from the fact the dog can't speak, I could see where her priorities lay. LOL