Little Johnny's Letter to Santa

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 11:25

You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity!



continued.....

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 11:26

WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A F**KING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE F**K WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH? YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE F**KING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME SHIT LIKE THIS UNDER THE DAMN TREE. AS IF YOU HADN'T F**KED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD ACROSS THE STREET SO MANY F**KING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE! PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN MY CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR! I'LL F**K YOU UP! I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE F**K AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS BACK TO THE NORTHPOLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT F**KING BIKE, YOU PUNK BITCH!! YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA, F**K YOU!! NEXT YEAR YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW BAD I CAN REALLY F**KING BE...YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON A MOTHERF**KER FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT BITCH!



Sincerely, Johnny

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 11:33

Love it, I am crying with laughter..keep em coming No1.

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 11:35

Even though I have heard this before it still makes me laugh

StGeorgeI


Joined: 27/08/2009
Posts: 973

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 11:41

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.....

Earlybird


Joined: 28/04/2009
Posts: 816

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 11:49

Very funny!!

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 11:54

A bit naughty



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEe55NxFSSU









Kevin bloody wilson



His xmas album is hilarious.....



Have sent you a copy mum...xxxx

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 11:55

last one, i promise





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MfbR7JAzSo

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 13:53

Three men die on xmas eve. To get into heaven St Peter says "You must have something on you that represents xmas." The Englishman flicks on his lighter and says it's a candle, St Peter lets him pass. Welshman pulls out a set off keys and jingles them and say they are bells, St Peter lets him pass. The Irish man pulls out his 12inch pen*s and St Peter says "How the f**k does that represent xmas!?" Paddy says "It's a f**king cracker isn't it?"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 13:54

I told my girlfriend I've spent hours and hours trawling through a dangerous rainforest to find her the perfect Christmas present this year.



She said I was so sweet and romantic.



Can't wait to see her face when she opens her Amazon vouchers.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 13:56

You can tell its nearly Christmas because the bin men start saying "good morning" !!!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/12/2009 14:00

I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me "Will you be putting that up yourself?"



I replied: "No you sick perv, I'll be putting it up in my living room"