Joke: Nuns at the pearly gates

IvorBankloan



Joined: 14/08/2009
Posts: 180

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 03:12

4 Nuns arrive at the pearly gates. St Peter says



"There are certain things you have may have to confess and seek forgivenss for before u can come in" " Have you ever seen a man's willy?" mother Brigette said, yes i have. "Then wash out your eyes with holywater in the fountain"



"Have to ever touched aman's willy" mother Geraldene said Yes I stroked one once. " Wash your hands with holywater from the fountain"



Just then there was a lot of scuffling and pushing for position amongst the nuns and St Peter said "please ladies, what's all the excitement about"



Mother Mary said "well if i've got to wash my mouth out with holywater I want to do it before Mother Maureen puts her big fat arse in it.

stevie-d



Joined: 13/07/2007
Posts: 1420

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 12:00

Very good John.

stevie-d

BarbnBob



Joined: 06/09/2009
Posts: 96

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 18:53

Love it! ha ha

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 19:12

Mother Superior called all the nuns to a meeting and announced "A case of gonorrhoea has been found in the nunnery"

Oh, good! Says one sister "I was getting rather tired of Chardonnay"

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 19:15

Good one )

Ernest


Joined: 22/10/2009
Posts: 54

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 20:16

they get better and better!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 21:38

A bus full of nuns is travelling along a dangerous mountain road and its brakes give out around a particularly tight corner and it crashes down into a ravine where it explodes. All of the nuns are incinerated instantly.

The nuns arrive at the entrance to Heaven where they meet Saint Peter who is standing next to a font filled with Holy Water.

Saint Peter greets the nuns and asks the first one in line, "Is any aspect of you impure in some way?"

The first Nun replies, "Well... I did once see a man's penis..."

Saint Peter tells her not to worry as the holy water will purify her vision, he then splashes some of the holy water onto her eyes and allows her into heaven.

He asks the second nun the same thing and she replies, "I did once... touch a man's penis." Saint Peter then purifies her vision and dips her hands in the Holy Water to purify her touch and then allows her into Heaven.

Saint Peter is then about to ask the third Nun the question when the Nun at the back charges through

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 21:39

Saint Peter is then about to ask the third Nun the question when the Nun at the back charges through the line to the front looking very exasperated.



Saint Peter quickly asks, "What is the matter, sister?"



The Nun replies, "Nothing's wrong, I just want to gargle it before Sister Susan dips her arse in it."

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 22:49

In the convent a young nun went to see the mother superior.

“Mother, I want to quit the veil.”

“But why, my child?”

“To become a prostitute.”

“What? What are you saying?”

“I said I want to become a prostitute, mother.”

“Oh, you had me worried. I thought you said protestant!”

YeniTom


Joined: 29/12/2009
Posts: 198

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 23:46

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Convent of Silence.



The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent convent. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so."



Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."



Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."



"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."



After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."



"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine. The Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.



On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office. "You may say two words today."



"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.



"It's probably best," said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch sinc

YeniTom


Joined: 29/12/2009
Posts: 198

Message Posted:
12/02/2010 23:48

since you got here.



(The posting length is crap)

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
13/02/2010 00:43

3 nuns sitting on a wall, when a mans walks up and stops in front of them.



He then exposes his manhood to them, two fall off and have heart attacks,



The third one falls off............ and has a Stroke!!

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
13/02/2010 00:55

A nun waiting at a bus stop was offered a lift by a young woman driving a Mercedes open top sports car .. The nun admiring the girl,asked her what she did for a living ? .. How did she have all the flash jewelry & such a nice car being so young ? .. Well she said I look after the needs of one or two wealthy arabs & when they leave I get money & a few presents, depending on how many nights I stay with them, the longer better the presents ..

Lying in bed later that night the nun started thinking of the young woman .. Hearing a little tap on the door .. Who's there ? .. It's me Father Benedict ..

Oh is it, well you can just f##k off with your chocolate biscuit & tell Father Francis what he can do with his Mars bar ..

IvorBankloan



Joined: 14/08/2009
Posts: 180

Message Posted:
15/02/2010 05:34

Chior boy dithering about outside the confession trying to pluck up courage leans over to whisper to his mate in the chior



" hey what does farther Ted give you for masterbation"

" Usually 2 shillings and a toffee, you'll gte a better deal of Father Gerry"