Joke..The girls next door

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 11:43

I got on extremely well with the 2 lesbians next door..they asked me what i want for my birthday.

I was astonished when they gave me a rolex !!

i think they misunderstood.. when i said to them i wanna watch.....

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 23:01

Filth !!!.....

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 23:55

God. That took me me 2 minutes to work out. Try this.







An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans,

spurs, and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.



As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink, she turned to the cowboy and asked

him, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "Well, I have

spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses,

mending fences. I guess I am."



After a short while, he asked her what she was.

She replied, "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about

women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I

eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of

women."



A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out

that I'm a lesbian."



Lem

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 09:57

The old ones are the best

FISHNCHIPS


Joined: 08/03/2008
Posts: 40

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 15:46

do you know the latin term for lesbianism?

















STRAPADICKTOMEY

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 18:33

Lem. ) ) )

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 18:36

How many nails are used to make a lesbian's coffin?



None - it's all tongue and groove

FISHNCHIPS


Joined: 08/03/2008
Posts: 40

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 20:16

a slight variation on the original joke, hope you don't mind jock!



little jimmy comes to school with a really smart new watch, dead flash, little jock was reet envious, green he were,

wow he says how did you get that ??

jimmy says i just asked my dad at the right time, eh whens that says jock?

on an evening when mum n dad have been to pub and then gone to bed for a cuddle says jimmy a dead cert!!



friday evening jock listens at his bedroom door,hears ma ,n da getting frisky, taps on bedroom door, daaad,

what is it son? dad i want a watch,



oh all right son, sit over there and be quiet !

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 23:48

I remember when my grandfather was unwell, my grandmother rubbed lard on his back. He went downhill quickly after that.

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
24/03/2010 01:41

Anyway. Gather round and listen.



A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet. Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.



Without looking up from her stew, her mother said, "You mean, lesbian?"



"Well... yes."



Still without looking up: "Does that mean you lick women down below?"



Caught off guard, the young woman eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon her mother turned to her and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under her nose, snapped:



"Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!"

Carndi


Joined: 12/06/2009
Posts: 613

Message Posted:
24/03/2010 10:23

Paddy's wife was in hospital,in a comma.

One day the nurse is given her a bed bath and when she got to her private area and was washing the monitor started to buzz and the lines going up and down. the nurse did it again and again the monitor buzzed.

The nurse called the Sister and again they tried with the same result.

When Paddy came at visiting hours the Sister called him into her office and suggested that he should give his wife some oral sex to seewhat the result would be and if it helped her.

At first Paddy was reluctant but the Sister managed to talk him round and he went into a private room and his wife was brought in.

A few minutes later the monitor flatlined. The Sister and nurse dashed in and checked paddy's wife and she was dead.

They said to Paddy '' What happened ''

Paddy said '' I think she choked.

Carndi


Joined: 12/06/2009
Posts: 613

Message Posted:
24/03/2010 10:25

Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians.

It's called

Trydixagain

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
24/03/2010 10:29

) ) )

FISHNCHIPS


Joined: 08/03/2008
Posts: 40

Message Posted:
24/03/2010 16:37

paddy n mick in a bar, paddy says think i'll go and chat to dat blonde,

mick says you'll do no good she's a lesbian!



mick decides to try,----- hello pet i hear your a lesbian, wot part of lesbia do you come from then ??

FISHNCHIPS


Joined: 08/03/2008
Posts: 40

Message Posted:
24/03/2010 18:01

hi all, i found this on the net, some good ones here, cracked me up. msge 7 .





http://www.lemonkind.com/portalapp/content.asp?Catid=506&ContentType=Fun

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
24/03/2010 18:15

David beckham gets home early to find posh naked,

Sweaty and flustered "quick dave, im having a heart attack" she cries.

As becks picks up the phone, Brooklyn runs in crying "daddy, John terry's in the wardrobe naked"

Becks drops the phone, throws open the wardrobe doors and sure enough there is the rat faced bugger.

Becks screams.....

"What sort of a bas@ard are you"?

"Vicky's having a heart attack and all you can do is run round scaring the kids"

malsancak


Joined: 23/08/2009
Posts: 2874

Message Posted:
24/03/2010 22:08

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened.



"Buffalo come," remarked Tonto.



"How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger.



"Face sticky!"

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
27/03/2010 11:54

My mate told me he is sleeping with a girl and her twin..I asked how can you tell them apart ?

He said the twin brother has a moustache.....

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
27/03/2010 12:48

Filth!!......