Decision about relocating to UK

kimig


Joined: 04/02/2008
Posts: 103

Message Posted:
03/05/2010 15:57

As many of you will know, I lost my husband in January. I am now considering whether I will return to UK - a very difficult decision. There are very many things here which I love - almost as many as I hate. Exactly the same thing applies to UK. I am fortunate enough to have lots of good friends here, but in UK I have my family.



I know that nobody can make this decision for me, but I would be very interested to hear what other people would do in my shoes, and why?

TheSaints



Joined: 28/01/2009
Posts: 1369

Message Posted:
03/05/2010 16:28

Kimig



At the end of the day only you can come to a decision on which way to go, other peoples opinions really will not sway you one way or the other.



Follow your heart and it will lead you along the right path for you.



Good luck for the furure which ever path you take.



Mike

HildySmith


Joined: 02/07/2009
Posts: 1708

Message Posted:
03/05/2010 17:02

Go to the UK for extended holidays (winter and summer) and see how you feel

I probably will be in the same boat as you at some point and I think that is what I would do.

Nothing is the same when you go back - Your family will always want a good holiday in ths sun and they will continue to live their lives whether you are there or not.

waddo


Joined: 29/11/2008
Posts: 1966

Message Posted:
03/05/2010 17:30

Having been both in life I can safely say it is better to be warm and miserable than wet and cold and miserable! However, all things pass in time and being warm is not the end of the world. Only you can make up your mind but remember that when you go back to somewhere you still take the memory's with you and all you leave behind you will come back to you in years as all the good things that happened. Your mind is kind and eventually blanks out all the bad bits - question is, how many good bits of UK to you remember now against how many good bits of here?



Take a holiday over to UK and not in the summer - go see everyone you know at least three times and see what has changed, then come back and have a holiday here and see where you want to be.



Good luck but do not let the decision ruin your life because you can not make it - take charge.

janjin



Joined: 10/04/2008
Posts: 488

Message Posted:
03/05/2010 23:08

Kim,

Sorry for your loss.

Grief is a very numbing experience, may I advise you to take your time on your decision?

You could consider taking a least a year to decide.

Good luck.

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
03/05/2010 23:40

Hi



Sorry about your loss. I always think that people who want to live away from the UK, should always have planned trips back home. Lets say three weeks a year. If you add the times friends/relations come out to be in the sunshine. It may not be that you spend too much time alone.

It always takes time...please do not make a too hasty decision.

Peter

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
03/05/2010 23:50

Kim my lovely kim,only you will know. we all miss dave but if you have family then i do not think there is any contest. i would not want to be here alone. having said that i know many ladies widowed or divorced who are,.Its early days love go and see where you will be happier. i know you have many good friends here, i also know you need family, weight it up. im here for you always xxxx

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
03/05/2010 23:55

Hi and so very sorry to hear about your loss of your loved one..Please give it a lot of time to think about what you want to do,and i has to be from deep within your heart,what you want yourself,and what would be better for you...



I was just taking to friends,and what i would do and its stay...we have some wonderful friends here,our life is here and my children have their own busy lives back home,and its always fantastic for a visit,but this place is our home...



Could you start by going home for much longer stays and see how things go,how much you miss here and if you feel that when you get back its like coming home again stay...and try to keep yourself very busy,making new friends and a new social life for yourself...Good luck in all you do and please keep us all informed..Best wishes



Spider,X

kimig


Joined: 04/02/2008
Posts: 103

Message Posted:
04/05/2010 06:11

Thank s to everyone who responded. All your comments are helpful. I have just come back from a visit to UK and there is really so much that I enjoy there, including, of course, my children, grandchildren and a brand new great grandson (number 5!) . And, on a lighter note PRIMARK!. ( I am a very shallow person!!)

I have so may good friends here, but this island is actually not a real place - it is grubby, disorganised, often corrupt, and in a lot of cases, dearer than living in UK. I love the views, the sea and the mountains. I love my friends, too - but at night they go home, and I HATE being alone. And I hate myself for being so helpless about all the little jobs that David used to do for me.

I also know that most of my family are working, busy with their own lives, and I would probably be just as lonely as I often am here....

This is probably the hardest decision I have ever had to make. In the end I think I shall have to toss a coin!

Thanks to you all

scoobydoo


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 2434

Message Posted:
04/05/2010 07:28

Kim,



The one question I would consider, is do you have to decide between here or UK now? It is not long ago that you lost Dave and you have had to make many decisions and I wonder is this one you have to make so quickly, only you know the answer to that.



Can you do as suggested above, be a swallow and do a little time in UK and a little time in the TRNC.



It is a decision that I would not have to make and my heart goes out to you.



all the very best and let us all know what you decide to do in the end.



Love



Sue

x

walkerscott


Joined: 13/08/2009
Posts: 901

Message Posted:
04/05/2010 10:36

Kim,

I am sorry for your loss and i understand your grief. There is no emotional devastation greater than the grief following the death of a loved one. The feeling of aloneness which follows is always difficult to handle ...

A lot of people here have given you good advice and that is what this forum should be about and it's nice to see.

Don't forget, grieving is a natural emotion and very personal and everyone deals with it in their own way. As one gent here says, please don't rush any decision making and try and spend some time with loved ones in the UK.

After spending time with your family in UK, listen to your inner voice, i often say, your guardian angel, and BE Who You Really Are and smile. Enjoy every moment of your life in the "here and now" and celebrate what you and your husband had and experienced together and what you still have in this life, your family and loved ones! In the end all there is ... is Love. God Bless You.

John

jamestalbot


Joined: 20/12/2009
Posts: 958

Message Posted:
04/05/2010 10:47

Hello Kim,



Sorry for your loss



I agree with message 11



I use to counsel people in the UK following the loss of a loved one, and myself in common with many people have had to cope with the loss of a loved one, I wish you all the best.



James

joandjelly


Joined: 24/02/2008
Posts: 2953

Message Posted:
04/05/2010 11:07

What a sad and wonderful thread at the same time. It has brought a lump to my throat. I think you are missing your family more because you have just seen them. I would suggest the best solution (if it is possible) would be to spend say 3 months here then 3 months in the UK and so on. I do, however, think you are rushing yourself unnecessarily as it has been such a short time since you lost your husband. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck and happiness for the future.

Jo xx

swannee7


Joined: 21/08/2009
Posts: 394

Message Posted:
04/05/2010 20:13

Hello Kim. Can I add my condolences along with all the other posters following your sad loss. A great chum of ours has just lost her husband (on Easter Sunday) and told us that while he was still able to talk with her, he got her to promise to 'carry on and do what we used to do together, including holidays abroad etc.' She knows she may also have to move home to somewhere smaller but these are 'all decisions that I can't take or make right now. Its just too soon. It'll be at least a year before I'd even consider moving house'. She just keeps busy and is planning her first trip abroad in July without her husband, 'just to see if I can actually cope'. She's being brave, realistic, and yet sensibly cautious. Perhaps this might also work for you? (I forgot to mention - she has loads of really good friends and a loving & extended family who support her but, at the end of the day, she's on her own in her house ). Don't toss that coin just yet..... Good luck to you.

NanaJan



Joined: 15/10/2009
Posts: 90

Message Posted:
05/05/2010 11:30

Kim I am so sorry for your loss.



My good friend was also widowed and she had a lovely home in Limassol but after her hubby died she never felt that it was truly her home and was often lonely even though she had made good friends. After a couple of years she went back to the UK and stayed with one of her daughters for a while. Living with family did not work in any way for a long term solution because often she felt that she was an unpaid childminder at times and it annoyed her. However she did make her mind up that the UK was the place she wanted to be long term.

The good things she told me were health cover for her old age without worry, possible home help ladies to come in if ever she should get to that stage in needing care. Cost of living was cheaper in the way of food and clothes and things for the home. Family nearby to visit easily. Public transport which is free to over 60s. Supermarkets now doing home deliveries for little extra cost and so saving carrying. Just a few of t

NanaJan



Joined: 15/10/2009
Posts: 90

Message Posted:
05/05/2010 11:35

the good points of living in the UK. However her girls were not for her moving because they liked the idea of holidays in the sun but with flights getting more expensive could only afford to visit occasionally.

She did sell her Cyprus home and now she is so settled in her new home near Windsor in the UK.

However she has chosen a house that is easy to maintain for her and in excellent condition and so not needing renovation to do by herself. Also not too expensive to heat in the winter.

She told me she misses her friends in Cyprus, the weather, swimming in her own pool and eating outside and of course most of all her husband.

Good luck with your life in the future but take your time before you rush into anything. In fact take each day as it comes and some will be good and some bad whilst you grieve and that is normal. God Bless.