Joke:- Woman in Mourning

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 11:59

Grace lost her husband almost 5 years ago and was still in mourning.



Her daughter immediately replied: "Mum, I have someone for you to meet, his name is Barry". Well, the pair were an immediate hit; they took to one another and after dating for 6 weeks, Barry asked Grace to join him for a weekend in Brighton.

Their first night there, she undressed, as he did. There she stood, naked except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking at her, Barry asked: "Why the black panties"?



Grace replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning". Barry knew that his luck was out that night.



The following night, the same scenario. Grace stood there with the black panties on and Barry was in his birthday suit, except that he was wearing a black condom.



Grace looked at him and asked: "What's with this black condom?"



Barry replied: "I want to offer my deepest condolences!

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 12:10

Now I am in trouble as I can't stop laughing and me Wilderbeest (bless her) thinks its in her direction !

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 12:21

RE msg 1, topten: Any idea how many times someone else before you copied this joke from the Internet and copied it to a bulletin board on the very same Internet?

Google "joke" and you'll read all the 20 million or more jokes on the Internet.

You don't have to stop laughing for the next three thousand years.

But..., errrm, what has it got to do with the TRNC?!

paddywack


Joined: 04/05/2009
Posts: 959

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 12:26

(what has it got to do with the TRNC)?

About as much as a lot of the posts on here.

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 12:27

Lighten up DC

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 15:16

My mate just caught me smelling his sisters knickers. He went mental. He was screaming and shouting at me, calling me a sick pervert. To be honest it made the rest of the funeral akward for the both of us ..............

steveafc


Joined: 12/12/2008
Posts: 405

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 18:04

roflmfao !! @ apc



message 3...........get a life mate

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 20:26

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.



"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.



The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.



"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."

ttoli


Joined: 24/03/2007
Posts: 1172

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 20:47

Msg 7, dont praise him too much, heres what he realy thinks of us http://www.cyprus-forum.com/cyprus30941.html

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 21:46

Paddy went to his bank and asked to see Mr Murphy the manager to be told that he had died at his desk the day before. The next day he was back again to ask the same question to get the same answer. He did this for over a week until the relief manager "lost it" and told Paddy "how stupid can you be if you cannot understand that he is dead, deceased, is no more, gone to meet his maker, like the parrot he fell off his perch, he has f.....g snuffed it, now do you understand.? Paddy said "Be sure I understand, I just like to hear you say it" !

steveafc


Joined: 12/12/2008
Posts: 405

Message Posted:
03/08/2010 21:54

message 9................didn't praise him just thought it was funny

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 02:15

whiteboards ,is it just me or does everyone think they are re markable.............

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 02:24

gary msg 9, that was also humour, you know nothing of me other than "trolling" me on the internet , maybe i should join another forum with your id ???

kheme


Joined: 30/01/2010
Posts: 41

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 20:13

nice jokes... keep coming. nothing wrong with a joke or two once in a while, right? we all need a good laugh sometimes, whether at work or chilling at home or just bored. I've got one too...



One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.



Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."



I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed Embarrassed



So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear, "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed

kheme


Joined: 30/01/2010
Posts: 41

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 20:13

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.



The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."



cont'd...

kheme


Joined: 30/01/2010
Posts: 41

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 20:14

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"



Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

kheme


Joined: 30/01/2010
Posts: 41

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 20:15

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."



I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."



Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

kheme


Joined: 30/01/2010
Posts: 41

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 20:17

sorry bout the mix up... message 16 comes AFTER message 17

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 21:23

L

E

L

W

Thats well out of order.    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
04/08/2010 21:27

A couple on there honeymoon are by the pool, the husband climbs on the diving board and does the most amazing dive you've ever seen! He climbs out and his wife says ''Wow, that's amazing, where did you learn to do that?'' he replied ''Sorry my love, I never told you, before we married I was an olympic diver''. Later on the wife jump's into the pool and does 7 laps all under water, she climbs out and the husband is in shock, ''where did you learn to do that?'' He asked, ''I'm sorry my love, before we married I was a prostitute in Venice''.

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
05/08/2010 00:49

One night in bed, many years ago, "me Wildebeest" responded to foreplay by telling me it would cost £5. When I asked why, I was told that the soldier in the married quarter next door was the same rank as me and they had a beautiful home (we only had kids) as his wife charged him £5 which she saved and then spent on posh furnishings. Thirty seconds later I was asleep not less £5. At about oh Christ Hundred Hours in the morning the Wildebeest woke me up and said she would lend me £20 til daybreak !

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
05/08/2010 04:10

what is the best thing about shagging 25 year olds ..???





There are 20 of them ...............

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
05/08/2010 13:14

Msg 22 Gone too far!! not funny just sick

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
06/08/2010 02:51

How do you get 3 Cypriots in a Smart car?

1 on the left seat

1 on the right seat

Grigoris Pieris Afxentiou in the ashtray