Joke: Three Ladies in a sauna

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 10:38

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.



SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.



THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.



A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.



WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE.. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'



THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM..



SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.



THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.



THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.......... WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....... I'M GETTING A FAX!!

wattys


Joined: 07/10/2008
Posts: 278

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 11:18

A woman complains to her husband that after having a couple of kids her breasts have shrunk, her husband tells her to rub them with toilet paper.

He tells her it should make them grow, She says how do know that,

He replies it worked on your arse.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 18:09

I was driving to work the other day when I saw an inconsolable RAC driver crying at the wheel of his van.



He was heading for a breakdown.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 18:11

Peter Crouch caught out having sex with arab prossie in back of a taxi.



His fiance Abbey Clancy is said to be devastated, asking, "How could he have stooped so low?"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 18:15

People at work keep saying I'm a Hypochondriac and I'm getting really sick of it

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 18:15

I was at a comedy club the other night when a goose walked on stage and started a routine.

He was terrible, but nobody dared to boo him.

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 18:41

Last week I had a little BBQ nothing to fancy just a few friends ..Willy Wonka, Barney and the man from Del Monte amongst others Little bo peep sat me down and said everyone was worried by the amount of Acid I had been taking lately. I took notice and knocked it on the head Some friends they are I ain't seen them since.

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 18:45

Bill, sorry to say it, but not one of your jokes has anything to do with Cyprus ever. I think as a Moderator you should be an example promoting interest in (Northern) Cyprus/Turkey.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 18:47

Hans. There's nothing funny about the trnc. )

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 18:55

Im not so sure Bill. Everyday Im here something makes me laugh.

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 19:06

Bill, do you ever wonder why so few English speaking Cypriot Turks care to join or read this board? Or even take it serious? I think they could add a lot of useful information - but why would they bother to join his board, in its current format and content too often King of vulgarity, stupidity or useless "information" (jokes, football and other non-Cyprus items)?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 19:22

Hans, to be honest the answer is No. I don't spend my time worrying about who wants to read this forum or who doesn't want to read this forum.



Lifes too short to worry about things that don't interest me. There are hundreds of people on here who like reading various topics ranging from Football, Restaurants, Jokes, the Weather, Bars, Dogs, Cats, Kocans, Builders, Lawyers, Water, Swimming Pools, Where to buy a coat hanger....the list goes on.



There's something for everyone. If a TC wants to come on here and read something then there will be something for him. However as I said I'm not worried about it.

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 19:32

Maybe living in TRNC all the time would stimulate a Moderator to care more about TRNC and its people?

MaggieAndBernie



Joined: 26/07/2008
Posts: 2012

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 19:36

Lighten up Dutch! we all need a laugh now & again!



Very funny jokes Bill! keep em coming!



Maggie

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 19:38

Thanks Maggie )

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 19:40

RE msg 14, MaggieAndBernie: (...) Lighten up Dutch! we all need a laugh now & again! (...)

=> Yes, haha. Try [ joke ] in Google and you'll have 30 million plus jokes. Why this C44 board pollution with copy/pasted jokes from the Internet?

MaggieAndBernie



Joined: 26/07/2008
Posts: 2012

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 20:25

Msg 16 Well it's probably a British thing - jokes are better shared!



Maggie

trevor


Joined: 02/04/2008
Posts: 244

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 22:22

Got banned today from a Muslim clothes shop, dunno why, i only asked for a bomber jacket

trevor


Joined: 02/04/2008
Posts: 244

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 22:28

Went to the doctors in Thailand to have my testicles checked. She said its ok to get an erection when we do this. I said i havent got an erection, She said no but i have

trevor


Joined: 02/04/2008
Posts: 244

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 22:31

America is very worried over the mental state of President Obama since he promised millions of dollars of aid since the tragedy of Hurricaine Higgins

trevor


Joined: 02/04/2008
Posts: 244

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 22:35

Paddysays to his wife tonight were gonna try the wheelbarrow position, Mary sez whats that. Paddy sez you put your hands on the floor and i lift your legs up and enter from behind. Mary sez ok but on two conditions, first one if it hurts you stop, second one we dont go by my mothers

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 22:51

) ) )

trevor


Joined: 02/04/2008
Posts: 244

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 22:58

The man who owned the Odeon cinemas died today. His funeral is next Thursday at 2:40, 5:10 and 8;40

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
10/08/2010 23:14

Donald Duck was arrested for a violent assault on a waiter when he was staying in a plush hotel with a bit of tottie. (Dutch Crusader, this hotel was in TRNC !). Donald complained bitterly to the police that he was provoked beyond all reason, as when the waiter delivered condoms to his room. after a request for that room service, the waiter said "shall I put it on your bill, Sir" !

Crumpy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 419

Message Posted:
13/08/2010 12:25

Re - msg 8



Hi Dutch Crusader,



In message 7 on the thread http://www.cyprus44.com/forums/42658.asp I have refered to the point you are making.



Crumpy

Texas


Joined: 22/09/2009
Posts: 634

Message Posted:
13/08/2010 16:01

A Cyprus 44 poster stopped at the bowling alley on the new by pass. He stood by his car and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside where there were a few deep potholes on the brand new road.



One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.



The other man came along behind and filled in the hole.



While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.



The men worked right past the Cyprus 44 poster and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the well-known and well-respected poster.



"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"



Surprisingly, the workman spoke excellent English. "Well, we work for the local Belediyere, " one of the men said.



"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the coucil's money?"



(continued)...

Texas


Joined: 22/09/2009
Posts: 634

Message Posted:
13/08/2010 16:04

(continued)...



You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us, me, Ahmet and Mustapha. I dig the hole, Ahmet sticks in the stuff to stop the pot-holes coming back and Mustapha here puts back the ashpalt."



"Yea," piped up Mustapha. "Now just because Ahmet's off for Ramadan, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

StGeorgeI


Joined: 27/08/2009
Posts: 973

Message Posted:
13/08/2010 16:21

DutchCrusader = Victor Meldrew



Oh know - sorry - at least Victor was funny... ha ha...



G

keithcaley



Joined: 13/06/2008
Posts: 2521

Message Posted:
13/08/2010 17:38

Texas,

"A Cyprus 44 poster..."

Not even Hans can fault that one!

Brilliant!

Texas


Joined: 22/09/2009
Posts: 634

Message Posted:
13/08/2010 19:27

Thanks Keith.



I hope I wasn't too obvious about the man who discovered the "pot holes" on the new by-pass. LOL.



Don't forget the water Saturday evening!

Texas


Joined: 22/09/2009
Posts: 634

Message Posted:
13/08/2010 23:50

Thanks Keith.



I hope I wasn't too obvious about the man who discovered the "pot holes" on the new by-pass. LOL.



Don't forget the water Saturday evening!