Stiffness in a Donkey in TRNC

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:31

My donkey GR has developed a stiffness in his body. He is stiff all over including you know what. Does anyone know what’s wrong with him. I remember my grand father's donkey suffered the same thing, is it genetic? He may have come from greek stock. Then my grandfather made grandpa GR to stand in the Turkish bath for a week. Eventually the stiffness went down. Should I try the same or is there any medication for this condition? Although judging by the way oracle is behaving it may not be such a bad thing to let him suffer a while longer. Pleases the old girl and all that.

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:36

give him a wxxk , and while your at it ,have one yourself , this should cure all problems , if not consult a vet ? for the donkey if it doesnt work ,put him down ?

yorgozlu



Joined: 16/06/2009
Posts: 4437

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:39

Perhaps,its been that long since he had his leg over he no longer knows what part of his body is supposed to get stiff OR he just cannot make his mind up about what part of her body (oracle) he should 'enter' from................I mean come off it YFred she is oraly disabled after all.

wynyardman



Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 4580

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:43

Guys enough!



I can honestly say I have not laughed so much, since my father was hatched.



Keep it up can you until I get my kochan.



Cheers



wyn

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:45

Rowlo you are welcome to help him in that way if you wish, as you seem to have vast knowledge of these things, be my guest.

Yorgozlu even his tongue seems to be stiff and he is stuttering a lot lately. I knew he was disabled in many ways but orally? o'really? Where does he come into it?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:47

Has he been eating Viagra?

yorgozlu



Joined: 16/06/2009
Posts: 4437

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:48

It is 'her' ,not him that oraly disabled.

As for where he'd come into her.................I dont want to go there.

Krypton


Joined: 02/09/2010
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:49

Yfred are you being serious

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:54

msg5 , he can talk ?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:55

rowlo. Only when he's stiff. )

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:55

He has not had any viagra, I just give him trefoil, and I had to cut that down because he wouldn't stop farting and kept me awake all night long from the noise.

Krypton, of course we are. This is no joke. Have you ever heard of this condition? Rowlo seems to know all about it, but I did not like his diagnosis, GR is too young to become pasturma. Although I have to admit that it is his destiny. Eventually.

yorgozlu



Joined: 16/06/2009
Posts: 4437

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:55

http://www.google.com.tr/imgres?imgurl= http://www.donkeys.com/Baby.jpg&imgrefurl= http://dailyapple.blogspot.com/2007/05/apple-244-horse.html&h=585&w=622&sz=78&tbnid=flxXUvz2lclBMM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=136&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dstiff%2Bdonkey%2Bpictures&zoom=1&q=stiff+donkey+pictures&usg=__PvDsaLaEUNDzl-q_RgQkRUviTKA=&sa=X&ei=3NKPTISTNsrFswaFk_HlCw&ved=0CB0Q9QEwAg

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:57

After breaking wind, does the stiffness subside?

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 22:58

Rowlo behave, of course he can't talk he is greek. It's the way he cries, it comes in spurts rather than continues like he used to. Not that different than how Ibrahim Tatlises sings. You know what I mean?

yorgozlu



Joined: 16/06/2009
Posts: 4437

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:01

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1351646/two_donkeys_have_sex/

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:01

No he seems to get stiffer which makes him fart even more. He's found himself in a vicous circle. I think if he careful he will kill himself.

Krypton


Joined: 02/09/2010
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:03

If he kills himself all the stiffness problems solved. EXCEPT will the donkey then be called a 'stiff' ?

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:03

Yorgozlu keep away from the oporn please you are not helping GR with dreadful condition. He does not need any more excitement you know what I mean he may suffer a heart attack.

Unless of course you want to have pasturma.

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:04

He will not be just called a stiff, he will be one.

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:06

I think I will cremate him according to his wishes. He couldn't help himself. When ever he saw fire he used to run towards it.

yorgozlu



Joined: 16/06/2009
Posts: 4437

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:07

Pasturma sounds good.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:08

Don't let him stand near a fire when expelling wind. He'll catch his anus alight.

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:09

Sorry my mistake, he never run towards the fire. He used to face fire and run backwards veery fast which made him look like he was very brave. But I think I can't face sending him to the pasturma factory.

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:10

in my humble opinion , if his toungue is still stiff the female donkeys will still love him , give him another day or to , who knows it might spread right thru his body , then you can rest easy ?

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:11

Now I understand why he never turns his back on to fire. That makes sence. Being a greek donkey his anus is always on fire anyway. That's the way he likes it.

wynyardman



Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 4580

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:12

Oi! YFred,



Can you send me a rubbing, it might be catching!



wyn

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:13

I'll see how oracle behaves towards him in the next 24 hours and then I will decide. It's only fair I'll give them 48 hours

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:15

Noooo, it's not contagous. I think because the greek donkeys are inbread that may be why he is feeling this way. That's what the Turkish Vet said anyway, when I took him last time he had it.

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:16

Do you want me to tell him that I have a bigger todger than him and make him laugh? I can then show him it and make him cry and turn flacid (all over) !

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:23

if its greek , i can show it my wifes bxxlls , then it will really start crying , lmao

Krypton


Joined: 02/09/2010
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:33

This has to be one of the funniest post ever

Krypton


Joined: 02/09/2010
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:48

are you sure it is not an Ass if it is Greek?

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
14/09/2010 23:53

krypton msg32 , ROFL .

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 00:08

Listen deputydawg, our GR has a comlex already about his tool, we don't need you to destroy his confidence completely, what would oracle do then? so kindly remain clothed and keep your todger under wraps right you hear?



Rowlo thats strange, are you sure you have no donkey genes, becasue GR loves ROFL. With all his legs up un the air turning side to side and his todger under different syncronisation it's quite a party piece. All are guest at our BBQ are very impressed when he does that trick. Especially when he sees the carrots.

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 00:54

http://www.flickr.com/photos/53931860@N07/4991442566/



This is when GR problems first began to show



http://www.flickr.com/photos/53931860@N07/4990836005/



This is happier days when GR was with his friends, Dimitri, Mario, Bafiti, CBBB and B25. Those were the days my friend.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 01:03

fred you crack me up

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 01:05

I always wanted to be a comedian. Thanks. But I'll keep my day job for now.

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 01:05

Todger clothed. Have advice straight from my horses mouth that what is going on here is an acute case of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy and you owe it to the Donkey to get down the Karpaz and remove every power cable, telephone line, fence, plus anything else which inhibits it being a Donkey Sanctuary (under cover of night if necessary). Then let him there find relief by servicing all the donkeys as a rehearsal for the ultimate task of giving a "proud" performance at your next BBQ. You should be able to sell tickets to watch !

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 01:21

Glad to hear the todger situation is taken care of and is no longer a threat to my beloved GR. The problem with that is that his friends Dimitri, Bafiti, CBBB, Boomerang, B25 and Mario will not take kindly to such competitor in their field of expertise. Perhaps under cover of darkness such a thing can be undertaken, but when I put him in front of the cart, have you seeen what he did to the poor cart. I ask you what kind of a donkey is this donkey.

Next time I will try putting him in the cart instead and see if that is more succesful. We then have to rely on Oracle to pull him there, but she is rather jelous kind and is likely to kick and bite him to death rather than let him get anywhere near those lovely looking specimens. I can see he begins salivating when he sees the pictures and starts stuttering, god only knows what stiffness level he will reach when gets ther. My worst fear is he will come back as a real stiff. Then it will be Pasturma sandwiches on the house all roun

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 11:23

There has been a new development in GRs condition. Last night his best pal CBBB visited him and smelt his ass, then whispered something in his ears and it had immediate effect. One part of his anatomy has gone limp. This has upset oracle to no end. She thought Christmas came to early. Now I have 2 upset donkeys. I have decide to ask Gokstakis the famous donkey fashion man to tart up oracle in the hope that the one part he wants to stay stiff regains its stiffness. Gokstakis is coming along later to see what he can do but I do fear that there is not that much that can be done to make oracle attractive again. But than again Gogstakis is known for causing miracles with women.



Everyone cross their fingers and hope that this situation is remedied asap for GR's sake.

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 11:29

YFred. You have my utmost sympathy for your plight and I can empathise with GR having to go through life with a body which is now no more than a chassis for his tool. Have consulted my horse again who has some advice as usual for you to consider. He thinks you could perhaps attach a skate board to his todger then lift his back legs and move him like a wheelbarrow or attach a spring from a Humbee and let him "pogo" along. This coil may also well be an effective contraceptive when he finally gets into action with Oracle. In the interim address the problem of the stiffness level as you do not want it so brittle that there is a metal fatigue like injury such as a stress fracture. My horse recommends rubbing in copious amounts of Lanolin but I cannot offer to help you with this as I suffer dermatitis if I come into contact with medicinal creams. Hang in there mate and do not get things out of proportion

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 11:44

Don't worry about him. Ha has a good way of applying such creams to his todger with his tongue. However Gokstakis has now been and decided that the best remedy for him is for oracle to wear high heels, fishnet stockings, suspenders, see through knickers and bra. For lipstick he recommends pure read on account that it boils his blood when he sees the red colour which may activate his blood flow again. So now that oracle is tarted up we'll see the effect it has. You horse does not need to worry about GR, he has everything in the hoof. It seems to be working. The question is for how long. Hang on a mo, he ripped off every thing oracle was wearing and he seems to be getting his old self back.

Oh nooooooooooo, things have turned for the worst again. He has put them on himself instead and walking about in the pond in the middle of the field admiring his new stiffness.

I think he is transvestite? Does anyone know the cure for this syndrome?

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 13:07

Sorry, my dopey horse is no clairvoyant and did not foresee that Brewer's droop could quickly intervene. GR has not been raiding your drinks cabinet by any chance? The idiot horse now recommends that you carry 20 cans of spray starch in your trouser pockets at all times so that you have a fixative which should last long enough to sate Oracle in the event of GR rising again to the occasion. He has checked his health and safety manual and he reckons that if you were rash enough to fit the skateboard it should be removed before he starts on Oracle (ouch !).

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 13:16

He is now plowing the pond and at least it is cooling him down somewhat. He seems to have a very strange look on his face which has confused the hell out of oracle.



We now have a new problem. Some gypsys have come and occupied the northern part of the field. So now he has developed a new phobia, he is too scared to go anywhere near the occupied land. Even though the new occupants are very friendly towards him. He thinks they will try to catch him and make him into pasturma.

I have tried to explain but he is too thick and does not understand any form of communication. He keeps looking at oracle and his todger, and not sure what to do with either now. I suggested confused dot com, but that confused the hell out of him too.

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
15/09/2010 13:22

His best pall and drinking partner Dimitri is visiting him later. He has a very good party trick. I hope that will help.

YFred


Joined: 06/05/2009
Posts: 1471

Message Posted:
27/09/2010 12:34

We have added two new stray GC donkeys to our collection at the sanctuary. One has CBBB stamped on its butt and the other has K-Bedo. They seem to be acting in an aunnatural way this mornning. They are ignoring oracle and are trying to mount GR which not only is upsetting GR as the poor thing is not well and is straight but even more so oracle because she is being ignored. Can a gay donkey be converted to being straight?



Has anybody had any practical experience of what can be done with these new donkeys. They really are a sight for sore eyes. Infact poor GR's eyes are also watering. Has anybody ever seen a crying donkey?