86 years old lady'sd letter to her abn

alanka


Joined: 15/09/2007
Posts: 154

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 22:53

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.



The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.











--------------------------------------------------------------------------------







Dear Sir:



I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it..



I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.



You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.



My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed

alanka


Joined: 15/09/2007
Posts: 154

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 22:56

Sorry, please ignore, it went all wrong when I tried to copy&paste

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 23:29

This is the post from Alanka.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.



You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 23:29

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded faceless entity which your bank has become.



From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.



Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 23:30

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.



In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 23:31

Let me level the playing field even further. Press buttons as follows:



1.- To make an appointment to see me.

2.- To query a missing payment.

3.- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4.- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. -To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6.- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7.- To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 23:31

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.



Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.



May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous New Year?



Your Humble Client

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 23:33

Lovely! I know exactly where she's coming from - been there!

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
18/09/2010 23:35

Brilliant, think I'll send it to my bank!

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
19/09/2010 01:28

Brilliant. Why don't more of us do this. God, you have to 'brace yourself' these days before attempting to call the bank (or any other financial institution for that matter) and, of course, set aside at least two hours for what would appear, on the face of it, to get an answer to a simple question.

rigsby


Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 912

Message Posted:
19/09/2010 12:18

Its all true though.I have been trying to contact sky and gave up until it came to option 4,Which asks if you are leaving them,You get a person to talk to straight away.I told him i was leaving them because they had charged me an extra pound and not told me why.Result; Reduce my monthly bill by £9 until next March.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
19/09/2010 12:21

brill, going to copy that when i next call up india to get to my bank.