Sunday bliss, blisters, wasps and more

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 16:46

Being a Sunday, and rain imminent, I thought I would spend some hours in the garden amongst the dead leaves armed with a garden vacuum and, in passing, give some decibels back to neighbours and the local Imam. All went well, apart from 3 wasp stings, until I decided to crouch down and push the vacuum into the base of a Bourgainvillea tree. I had forgotten to replace the bag after emptying it and the debris shot up my shorts like a blast from a shotgun. I called for a stretcher bearer but the Wildebeest (bless her) shouted back, "misfire, unload, paste up, and move back to 300, you wizened old fart". Wilde says I am not to use the tweezers from her manicure set to remove thorns from my todger. Seems like a soak in the bath then, and after get p......d if I can keep our cats off my lap ! Any better ideas for pain relief please ?

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 16:51

Yes, but they are all illegal here and will earn you 5 years in nick!



Richard

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 16:56

I thought that was burning debris in the Summer months ?

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 16:57

deputydawg - that made me laugh out loud; I was, of course, laughing WITH you rather than AT you, you understand



Jean

daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 17:25

Next time you need a bit of gardening done, give me a call instead....



DD

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 12:51

Daisy, many thanks for your offer. I have read of your great expertise and kindnesses. Unfortunately the Wildebeest (bless her) wrongly believes that jungle warfare and survival training from donkey's years ago should hold me in good stead to enjoy gardening ! I am on notice that when I become too old for gardening I will be put in a bin liner and left by the dustbins. Jeannie finds it amusing so I suppose I had better continue making a regular clown of myself.

Whistler


Joined: 28/07/2008
Posts: 1332

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 13:06

Deputydawg. You made my day yesterday. Was really in need of a good laugh. Not because you were hurt but just the way you phrased it. Magic. It was really refreshing to have a post where people are not bickering.

daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 13:15

DD.....now that was a refreshing post!! although i am sorry my services are not needed, i am also pleased that your wife believes that you are still in your prime and am quite able to do your own gardening, even if you disagree quietly...!! thanks for the afternoon giggle!!





DD

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 14:18

Daisy, if I can be serious about gardening for a moment, I believe the Wildebeest (bless her) will accept that when the weeds are in full flow (grow) I will need some help. It is a thankless task of no skill but not too physically demanding other than on the fingers as the site is gravel on liner so the weeds do not root deeply. I hope you are soon rid of the elbow problem and if that becomes so, and if it is work you do not mind undertaking with me, I will contact you in the Winter. Normally when I have completed a day of weeding, due to old bones, I am locked rigid on all fours and our two cats see it as an opportunity to use me as an ugly, occasional garden table !

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 14:33

Whistler, don't encourage me, as it reminds me of the time when I landed in next doors garden clutching a chain saw to my chest having fallen 30 plus feet from the canopy of Conifer Trees. I think my plan to use a ladder perched on the apex of the garden shed, was flawed. The neighbour enjoyed seeing my shredded tartan shirt and hearing my rendition of "I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK" following my fearful screams of "Geronimo" when on the way down !!

daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 15:34

erm...perhaps for these obviously difficult jobs, a tree surgeon is your answer...(i can help)



Please do not kill yourself clambering up trees...i for one would miss these funny little anecdotes!





DD

Whistler


Joined: 28/07/2008
Posts: 1332

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 19:18

You are unreal. Keep it up

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 22:27

Keep it up ? I need respite. Still haunted by the saga of the chestwaders which proved to be a quarter of an inch too short to navigate safely the 6ft deep end of my Koi pond - Smashing my tool box lid with my face when I stepped back to admire my handiwork, a 12ft trellis for a grapvine, forgetting I was perched on a kitchen stool on top of the potting table - The throwing of a rock over my shoulder when reorganising a waterfall sending a shovel back through the air leaving me stunned in the pond - Causing all the computers to be closed down in the Limassol Bank as staff could smell plastic burning but the stink was from the padding around my coat pocket in which I had hurriedly placed a cigarette not realising it was still alight ! The accumulated brain damage gives me flashbacks to numerous other unavoidable incidents over the years which have caused my family to call me Mr Bean. West Suffolk Hospital dubbed me Mr Blobby and Captain Hook, due to paint in eye and fish hook injuries.