Jokes to offend in North Cyprus

EsentepeGal


Joined: 12/09/2010
Posts: 144

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 21:30

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said, 'I've not eaten for two days'. I told him, 'I wish I had your will power'





Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation for casual sex........... Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.





I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean ' What I thought it did '





A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said, 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually'.





Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance" with a face like that!'







I have a new chat up line that works ev

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 21:35

Estentepe girls are the new Essex Girls....

Glynn


Joined: 25/03/2009
Posts: 192

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 21:45

WOMEN. Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Men don’t care anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house afterwards.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 23:19

My favourite Viz Top Tip



Fellas, enjoy "Rodeo Sex".



Mount your girlfriend from behind and when she's about to orgasm shout out another girl's name - then see how long you can stay on!



Yeah I know - I'll get my coat...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 23:20

Gavin. Don't forget your hat!

zerochlor


Joined: 03/04/2009
Posts: 4024

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 23:21

groucho



Brilliant

LaptaMike


Joined: 07/10/2009
Posts: 1679

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 23:37

not read viz for ages. Very nearly got one on the flight out months ago.

EsentepeGal


Joined: 12/09/2010
Posts: 144

Message Posted:
13/10/2010 17:44

From Sky News: The dead Mi6 Agent found in a bag in his London flat has been named as Brian Shepherd. He is thought to have been stabbed and put into a hot bath first. Police are treating it as a boil in the bag Shepherd Spy.....

EsentepeGal


Joined: 12/09/2010
Posts: 144

Message Posted:
13/10/2010 17:54

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your Prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99' ".

The guy obeys and says,"99".

The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".

Again, the guy says, '99'."

The doctor said,"Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.



The guy begins, "One .. Two ....Three".

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
13/10/2010 23:07

very funny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
14/10/2010 15:37

I was in bed with my new girlfriend last night.



She said I had the biggest dick she’d ever laid her hands on



I said: “You’re pulling my leg.”