JOKE,Dole office complaint

rigsby


Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 912

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 01:51

A man,{choose which country he comes from} walks into the dole office in a real temper,Why is nobody answering the phone i have been ringing 08001730 for two days,Young lady answered,Thats the office hours you daft sod.

zerochlor


Joined: 03/04/2009
Posts: 4024

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 01:56

...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 11:42

Good one Rigsby.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 11:45

Paddy and Mick are sent to prison. Desperate to stay in touch with each other, they invent a code and tap messages to each other by banging on the hot water pipes with a spoon. The system worked perfectly for a time,but sadly it broke down after they were transferred to seperate cells.    

LaptaGeezer


Joined: 01/06/2010
Posts: 407

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 11:57

There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door (which is just outside Guadalajara).



As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree, off in the distance.



As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.



"Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke (Don Pedro). "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"



"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.



So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.



His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"



With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 12:28

With has last breath he cries out and says "deed our amigos in TRNC get their kocans.............

PaulW



Joined: 20/07/2009
Posts: 651

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 13:54

............................"an ambush"

crazy


Joined: 26/09/2010
Posts: 60

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 14:51

tumba bar esentepe Quız nıght frıday 10 december

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 16:10

Shame on you Paul for spoiling the joke. )

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 16:12

I had a stiff neck for a few days and my wife told me to see a GP.



Terrible idea, watching all those cars whizz by just made it worse.    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 16:14

I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason.



What a waste of fourteen years.    

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 16:45

No 1. There are only 3 kinds of accountant. 1 those who can count and 2, those who can't !

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 19:31

deputy. ) )

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 22:10

No1 ........ and, like lawyers, all accountants make love in the mercenary position !

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/11/2010 23:10

Too true deputy.

LaptaMike


Joined: 07/10/2009
Posts: 1679

Message Posted:
21/11/2010 01:12

I saw a (your choice of nationality) fall into the river this morning and being a responsible citizen I informed the emergency services.



They still haven’t responded and I’m starting to think I’ve wasted a f*****g stamp!

LaptaGeezer


Joined: 01/06/2010
Posts: 407

Message Posted:
21/11/2010 02:29

Sorry all... hadn't realised the end of the joke had been missed off......



It was indeed '... a Hambush!'

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
21/11/2010 08:19

LaptaGeezer. Thanks for that. I was starting to think that my dementia was now absolute not being able to identify something to laugh at in a joke for the first time in my life. Before Paul's post I tried to convince my self that it was one of those jokes "how do you keep an idiot in suspense ? ...........I will tell you later !

martinev


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 320

Message Posted:
21/11/2010 11:13

Mess 10

That's what you get for taking your viagra without water !!