The odd Santa Joke !

JohnW


Joined: 23/04/2009
Posts: 601

Message Posted:
26/12/2010 16:07

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses!

JohnW


Joined: 23/04/2009
Posts: 601

Message Posted:
26/12/2010 16:10

A Note from Santa.



Dear Friends:



I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.



The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.



On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.



cont.........

JohnW


Joined: 23/04/2009
Posts: 601

Message Posted:
26/12/2010 16:11

Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get yourselves down to Lemar before everything is gone.



Sincerely,



Santa Claus

JohnW


Joined: 23/04/2009
Posts: 601

Message Posted:
26/12/2010 16:12

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME



According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both the male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.



Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.



We should've known. ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-butt man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.