Man Flu the facts.....

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 22:38

1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.

*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)



2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from

a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the

rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.



3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is

medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' – which, if a man caught, he would

still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in

all other kinds of manly activities.



4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans

of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.



5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple

requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so

much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it (THIS part

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 22:39

6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of

other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).



7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and

come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition

amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest

heroes this country has ever known.



8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full

blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell

off.



9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The

A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady

medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of

Man-Flu.



10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying

'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact

pitch and frequency of D*ck Van

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 22:42

Get well soon Newlad and Coachie hope these facts make you feel better!



Chris

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 22:44

ah god love them, so mix the lemsip with brandy or whisky, get a dolybird nursemaid in, recovery 6 to 9 months, whats lady flu like then just get on with life xxxxxxxxxxx

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 22:46

Or go on holiday to Lanzarotte on the 2nd of Jan,and sweat it out,

Paul.

HotHippo


Joined: 25/03/2010
Posts: 402

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 22:49

I'd recommend large measures of Mount gay rum - works a treat every time for me!

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 22:53

Nurse awful...you are aptly named (lol) but a brilliant post all the same. Like I said to Newlad,the 5* brandy is working miracles..

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 22:57

And i am just closing my eyes and thinking of Lanzarotte,

Paul.

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 23:03

On a final note



Every minute here in TRNC and in the UK one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all

I ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and

your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this

monstrous disease together... (but I doubt it)



Chris

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 23:21

Wot type of flu is it that me Wildebeest (bless her) suffers ? Feeling to ill to use a vacuum cleaner but put on some dance music and the patient becomes a Whirling Dervish and Belly Dancer !

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 23:24

deputydawg,



Now thats different as women only do that to let you think they are okay so you won't worry about them!



Vacuum cleaners, well the vibration only makes one feel worse ( a scientific fact)



Chris

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
01/01/2011 23:57

Beginning to understand now but why does that not apply to her sitting on the washing machine and switching it to fast spin and why did my PA for years always leave me to do her work every school half term, and school holidays, claiming flu not the lack of a baby sitter ?

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 07:40

Dear dear Nursey,



Man flu is our revenge for 'the Curse'... a woman's monthly excuse for going overly sentimental with anything but us men... Off the household chores and totally mental and weepy for no apparent reason.



We only get it once a year and it doesn't last a week... but only because we can't stand the constant belittling of our manhood.



Allow us our foibles and we won't mention your 'lady's trouble'...

mrperfect


Joined: 18/01/2010
Posts: 400

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 09:22

er I currently have manflu, my girlfreind, a nurse, acknowledges the verocity of my symptons however offers very simple advice along the lines of 'get over it'. There is a highly effective cure available which is being witheld by Portondown according to wikileaks recently. Ridiculous ramblings over the internet are a worrying side effect it states.................

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 09:27

Perfect,



One of the symptoms of man-flu is making up words like "verocity"...

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 10:29

Boys this made me smile, does it remind you of anyone?





http://www.davidtan.org/serious-man-flu/





Chris

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 10:58

Dear, dear Groucho this one is especially for you and its cheap! Happy New Year.









http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/menstrual-period-iphone-app-for-men-insult-or-helper-1285360



Chris

japeal



Joined: 12/09/2008
Posts: 1052

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 12:22

My daughter bought me a bottle of 'MANFLU' from Sainsburys as a joke xmas present. It is actually a bottle with a large dose of Vitamin C.

niftyduo


Joined: 27/04/2008
Posts: 230

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 14:28

The truth is that Nurseawful is not joking

sienna


Joined: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1627

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 15:59

Well my man has 'man' flu, but of course ten times worse than my girly flu clearly ........ even though I have eneded up on anti-biotics and ventolin as its gone to my chest and respiratory tract , but hey he is still worse than me !! god love them



Nurse you are awful !!

mamachina


Joined: 22/11/2008
Posts: 730

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 17:12

The other problem is that they like to pass it on!! Even if it is only a bad cold!

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 17:41

message 19,



Correct go to the top of the class!



Chris

JohnDownes


Joined: 03/12/2010
Posts: 123

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 21:12

Steady up, people, this is no joking matter. Manflu is a serious and debilitating condition.

I know, I've had it myself on several occasions.

The only decent remedy which I have ever encountered is to take a large measure of whisky (or whiskey if that is your preference) mixed with an equal amount of Stones or Crabbies Ginger Wine. No ice, no water, just drink it neat.

It will not cure your condition but it WILL make you feel better.

gooligan


Joined: 30/01/2007
Posts: 1591

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 23:26

Only a woman could belittle this serious illness.I am currently suffering from said illness and despite numerous cures found on the internet none have worked to date,currently trying the 1lt bottle of single malt cure,halfway through it,nose is still running but my legs dont work

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
02/01/2011 23:45

.....don't worry gooligan...the next half will do the trick....

sienna


Joined: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1627

Message Posted:
03/01/2011 00:03

ha ha gooligan let me know if it works - hope you recover from illness soon

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
03/01/2011 01:01

message 23 & 24



Now that's not true man flu if you can still lift a bottle of whisky to pour yourself a glass!! Unless of course you are drinking out of the bottle!



Chris

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
03/01/2011 01:08

Ha ha boys there is even a facebook page for you to join!





http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=7933954522



Chris