liverpool fc jokes , come on theres loads !

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
13/01/2011 23:29

ive just had a bet that liverpool will finish in the top eight next season.



i dont fancy them for the play offs though !

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
13/01/2011 23:32

just seen a new advert on tv . 2 kids from accrington saying if they dont drink enough milk , they will only be good enough to play for liverpool

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
13/01/2011 23:37

a spokesman for blackpool council confirmed the pleasure beach was shut last night but thanked mr dalgleish for bringing his own f--kin circus into town instead . . .

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
13/01/2011 23:40

liverpool are in so much shit gazza has just turned up at anfeild with a fishing rod and some chicken

ronaldo


Joined: 14/11/2007
Posts: 372

Message Posted:
13/01/2011 23:47

Jesus satisfied 5000 people with 5 loaves and two fishes Ian Holloway satisfied millions with 11 tangerines.

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
13/01/2011 23:48

jesus satisfied 5000 people with five loves and two fishes , ian holloway satisfied millions with eleven tangerines

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
13/01/2011 23:49

ronnie mate great minds think a like !

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
13/01/2011 23:58

SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS . . liverpool fc to sign david blunkett in january transfer window . a club insider said they are desperate for someone who knows how to hold onto lead

wanderer


Joined: 05/02/2009
Posts: 1653

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 00:48

is roy Hodson the worst "pool" manager since Michael Barrymore

Blackpoolfan


Joined: 03/12/2008
Posts: 1568

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 02:15

just seen Dalglish on North Pier wearing a Sack me quick hat



Up the mighty seasiders

Olly will be manager of the year

denizen



Joined: 21/08/2009
Posts: 388

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 09:29

Gerrard and Torres have been sold to Real Santos,



The rest have been bought by Fray Bentos

CJtill


Joined: 02/05/2008
Posts: 836

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 10:01

Just heard that a male body has been recovered from the River Mersey dressed in a small basque, high heels and suspenders and wearing a wig and heavy make up. Additionally the body was found wearing a Liverpool football club shirt.

The parents of the deceased have been contacted and they are frantically trying to play down the bit about the shirt to save any further embarrassment to the family.

Michael

rigsby


Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 912

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 10:32

Wha have Liverpool and a hen party got in common? They both get stuffed in Blackpool.

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 11:38

What has King Kenny and King Canute got in common?? Neither could hold back the might of the Seaside

denizen



Joined: 21/08/2009
Posts: 388

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 12:50

Don't be cruel. How would you like it if you supported a team like lily Liverpool and people took the micky out of you.

There's not many cities with two good teams, and Liverpool certainly isn't one of them.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 13:23

Remember all these same jokes about M.U. when they were relegated in the 70's ..

What goes round comes round ..

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 14:33

So Harita.....are you expecting Liverpool to be relegated this season?????

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 15:40

Markyboy .. Would you put a bet on it .. ?????



No chance ..

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 15:54

I never bet on any sport as the outcome is never down to form but the luck on the day and whether the Referee has been invited back for a glass of red after the game depending on the result ;-)



However, I wouldn't say no chance.....as you reminded us...it happened to Utd in the 70's.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 16:01

A lot worse teams today than Liverpool ..

Was more of a level playing field in the 70's .. Even till the 90's ..

Not anymore ..

Liverpool will be back .. At least andy-f hopes so ..

gusanova


Joined: 23/11/2010
Posts: 187

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 16:34

Enjoy your moments, as LIVERPOOL will be back and believe me what goes around....................



Ive even heard better jokes about Liverpool here than on this site!

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 17:10

Harita,

re-mess 20 "It was more of a level playing field in the 70s even till the 90s" Please explain,

Paul.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 20:17

Simply because any team could win the title ..

Not any of just 3 or 4 now ..

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 20:21

Oh I forgot to add .. It took M.U. 26 years to win it during those years ..

Must have been a level playing field ..

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 20:37

Harita,

I would Hardly call the nineties "a level playing field",as i think Man United won the title 5 times during that period,

Paul.

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 20:44

Just been doing a bit of anorak work.since 1888 only 23 teams have one the top division title,

Paul

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 20:50

The same team ( liverpool) won it 5 times in the seventies.



The same team (Liverpool) won it six times in the eighties.So the level playing field theory doesnt really wash,

Paul.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 21:03

Aston Villa , Notts Forest , Derby County , BLACKBURN ROVERS , Leeds ..

Must have missed some other ..

All not included in the big 4

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 21:16

You forgot Liverpool in your last post harita......also not classed in the big 4 ;o)

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 21:23

But they were in the all seasons up to the present ..

Missed out Everton & nearly Newcastle who threw it away ..

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 21:50

Re-mess 28,

Are you refering to the eighties here,

Paul.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 22:49

Message 22



Harita,



re-mess 20 "It was more of a level playing field in the 70s even till the 90s" Please explain,



Paul.



What is there to explain .. From 1970 to the mid 90's until the rich got rich & the poor got poorer ..

Most teams could have won the title .. During this period M.U never won it once .. Forget the start of the premiership ..



You being from a rugby environment should understand until something is done in football as was in rugby league .. Which stopped Wigan cleaning up year after year .. It will be one the same 2 or 3 teams every year that will win the title ..

Trying to compete will end up like Leeds, Sheff Wed, Charlton .. etc etc ..

Survival in the premiership is the key with all the other teams ..

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
14/01/2011 23:01

well im lovin it really lovin it ! no more bin dippers in the top four ever !



lovin it really lovin it !

Blackpoolfan


Joined: 03/12/2008
Posts: 1568

Message Posted:
15/01/2011 02:48

andy f



watch out United they are next to be slayed by the mighty POOL

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
15/01/2011 12:08

Harita,



But lets not take anything away from the team of kids that cost nothing,but still won titles for

United."Fergies fledglings" i think they where known as.Giggs,Beckham,Casper,G.Neville,P.Neville,

Scholes,Butt,Gillespie.Take your point though,

Paul.

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
15/01/2011 13:02

...and Paul, not doing too bad this year with the likes of Smalling, Evans, Fabio, Raphael, Gibson, Obertan and not too mention still doing it, Giggs and Scholes. Not all home grown but no big name/money transfers and still Unbeaten (for now).....can't be bad.

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
15/01/2011 13:03

Ooooh, forgot Hernandez

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
15/01/2011 15:47

Fabio bought for 2.6 million

Rafael bought for 2.5 million

Smalling bought for 10 million

Obertan bought for 3 million

Javier Hernandez bought for 7 million

Not exacly home grown .. More than the cost of a team for a lot of clubs ..



Blackburns record buy is a Utd cast off Andy Cole - 8 million

Hate to think what Blackpools is ..

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
15/01/2011 21:33

My wife asked me if i wanted a new wall caender for this year ? i said " yes get me one of those special ones with tits , fannys and asreholes all over it "



she came back with a bloody 2011 liverpool calender !

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
17/01/2011 21:21

blind dave is in a pub he says " bring me any foootball and i shall tell you where its from " a man fetches a ball over and shakes next to his ear. he says " its from newcastle i can ear the magpies" the man is shocked,but applauds him . another man tries it , fetches a football and shakes it next to his ear " its from norwich , " i can hear the canaries" again the man is correct. a 3rd man fetches a football and blind dave shakes it next to his ear "he says its from liverpool" the other man says " can you ear the liver birds ?" blind dave says "no its going down !"

Geoff1131


Joined: 12/07/2007
Posts: 276

Message Posted:
17/01/2011 21:32

Its just been reported that Mrs Webb and her 4 children, Alexander, Nevile, Eric and Ryan have said the rumours that Howard is a Man U fan are a load of utter tosh. They say the story is a total fabrication and has no truth whatsoever.

Mr Webb was unavialable to comment as the story went to press last night, as he was in London watching a football match.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
17/01/2011 21:38

What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?

A Man U fan is a real dick



What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?

They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.



Over to you Andy ..

CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 13:23

Man United - Can any one suggest a good long term balance transfer with low interest.

770 million ...... were desperate !!!

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 14:59

Harita...in todays scheme of things, 2.5 Million is not a great deal to spend on a player....and would rather spend 2.5 on Rafael than 2 mil on Kyriakos!!

Geoff1131


Joined: 12/07/2007
Posts: 276

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 15:19

Wether Man U manage to win the league title this year or not ( and good luck to them if they do ) they are certain to win one league title.



Thats the list of the club with the most debt.



They are currently head and shoulders above all the other clubs in this one.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 15:30

Markyboy .. Not a lot to M.U. ..

Quite a lot to other clubs that have to pay stupid wages to mediocre players in order to stay in the premiership ..

Sadly 3 teams are relegated each season with huge wage bills .. A vast drop in attendances when M.U.. Arsenal .. Chelsea are replaced with Scunthorpe .. Bristol City .. Doncaster .. No disrespect to those teams & their supporters .. Not much chance of ever getting to the premiership & even less of staying there ..

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 15:46

I do not disagree with you on that one Harita, footballers wages and transfer fees are beyond. I mean £80 Million for Ronaldo??? Good business sense to sell but it is ridiculous what clubs and owners are prepared to pay for success.

On another note, i do not agree with sacking managers for what in the end are the failing of the players on the field and the lack of transfer funds available to buy decent players due to their high cost. No win situation and on a hiding to nothing as Roy Hodgson found out.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 16:51

Wish I had been on the end of one of those sackings .. Walking away with 3 or 4 million in your back pocket & into another job ..

In 1958/59 I ran the third team at Accrington Stanley .. I was the 1st to go when things got tight .. On the princely sum of 10/- (50p) a week ..

yenibob


Joined: 13/10/2010
Posts: 1203

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 17:26

Accrington Stanley had a third team? Why?



PS in 1958 10/- was the pay for a "proper job".

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 17:27

Harita,

Mess 38,small sums of money when you consider todays over inflated prices,

Paul.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 18:38

yenibob ..



Would today be called a youth team ..



How would you know what "a proper job" paid in 1958 ..

clayton


Joined: 30/11/2008
Posts: 1143

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 19:39

geoff

the qator family is on the way,i think thats how you spell it.i think they are one of the richest families in the world.i think a lot of people would like to see them stay as they are,top of the league.evens things out a bit if utd cant play financially with the big boys.mind you saying that the players which have been bought by the richest club in the world,i dont think utd would have gone for any of them at any price.tevez and joe hart are the only world class players in the team in my opinion.

c u soon gaz

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 19:55

gaz it was the qatar people who paid the 200 million high interest loans off a month ago according to reports .



andy

clayton


Joined: 30/11/2008
Posts: 1143

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 20:10

andy

ye heard that mate.if fergie had all that money.who would he buy.i dont think utd are that far short.need a new keeper with vandersar retiring.i think sneider in midfield,and a goal scorer who i dont no.he should give the kids a chance its the only way they are going to learn.fergie is building for the next 10yrs,not the next 10 minuites like some clubs.he is blending another team together.makes me laugh when you hear people say he dosnt no what he is doing.its about winning trophies and trying to entertain.arsenal play the right way,but wingger just cant get it right.

gaz

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 20:38

Gaz,



Fergie has to go with what he has,make the best of a bad bunch (in my opinion) still top of the

league,god knows how,but they are.Dont forget the players they have lost though.Tevez,Ronaldo,

Rooney a shadow of last year,Valencia,long term injury.You are talking a lot of goals there mate.

The title will go down to the last game of the season,in my opinion,

Paul.

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
18/01/2011 23:15

judge says to kid " do you wan to live with your daddy ?" kid " no he beats me!" judge: " do you want to live with your mummy?" kid : " no she beats me !" judge: " well who do you want to live with?" kid: " the liverpool team ! they dont beat anybody !"

Markyboy



Joined: 05/06/2010
Posts: 228

Message Posted:
19/01/2011 09:57

Clayton, I was reading The Penninsula (Qatar Newspaper, i work here) and there are no plans for buying into UK Football at the moment. They are focusing on 2022 World Cup Soley for now.

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
21/01/2011 23:56

in the pub last night two blokes were discussing how their names matched their jobs .

1st bloke " my names mike and i work as a singer"

2nd bloke" yeah my names doug and im a gardner . really weired aint it ?"



the two scousers sitting at the next table 'rob and nick' said f--k all !

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
22/01/2011 20:57

liverpool won today proving dalgeish is not the worst caretaker since ian huntley

Breamli


Joined: 02/01/2011
Posts: 28

Message Posted:
22/01/2011 22:05

Dalglish certainly looked happy today. Hope it continues for him.

clayton


Joined: 30/11/2008
Posts: 1143

Message Posted:
23/01/2011 15:32

markboy

ye just heard something on sky sports news,

andy-f


Joined: 03/05/2009
Posts: 1256

Message Posted:
24/01/2011 23:41

kenny dalgleish goes into a bank to pay some money in , he feels faint and collapses on the floor, staff throw water on him and he comes round.



" where am i"? he said , one of the staff says " your in the nationwide "



he says " f--k me is it august already "