JOKE- Who makes better love?

elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 14:06

The servant goes and asks the lady of the house for a wage increase. She says give me three good reasons for it.

Servant- Well, I do better ironing than you do.

Lady: Who said it?

S: Your husband said so.

L: What is your second reason?

S: I do better cooking than you do.

L: Who said it?

S: Your husband says so.

L: ok, what is your third reason?

S: I make better love than you do.

L: Who said that? Was is my husband?

S: No, its the gardener who says so.



ismet

PS: she got the wage increase, no problem.

kaiserphil


Joined: 14/12/2008
Posts: 1096

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 14:20

Nice one Ismet - keep 'em coming!

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 15:08

I dont get it?? you will have to explain it..

Rogerdodger


Joined: 24/04/2008
Posts: 271

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 16:25

What are the worst three words a woman does not like to hear when their making love!.......... Honey I'm home!!!!

elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 16:35

Jock, are you the gardener?

ismet

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 16:58

Very good Ismet )

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 17:02

A very large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed "Give the ballerina a drink!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 17:02

" The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!" The bartender approached the little drunk and said "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?" The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

    

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 21:14

I doubt Jock1 will need an explanation for that one !

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 21:19

Today, my wife told me I am immature and need to grow up.



Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now.    

ttoli


Joined: 24/03/2007
Posts: 1172

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 21:31

The Best part about being a tall guy is that women assume that you are looking down into their eyes and talking .

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 21:38

A ventriloquist is doing a night club act, with his dummy on his knee, reciting a catalogue of dumb blonde jokes. A blonde woman interrupts by standing on her seat and shouting "I've heard enough of your stupid jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way ? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being ? It's geezers like you who keep women from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential because you and your kind perpetrate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, all in the name of humour". The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise but is cut off when the blonde woman yells" "wind your neck in and shut your mouth, it's the ugly little f....r on your lap I am talking to" !

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 21:55

Roundabouts and swings. A tall guy will have difficulty putting a bucket on their heads and swinging on the handle !

Daveydee


Joined: 05/02/2011
Posts: 1

Message Posted:
06/02/2011 22:23

A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he was going.



"Im on my way to listen to a lecture on the effects of alcohol & drug abuse on the human body" he replies.



"Really" asked the policeman, "and who is giving a lecture at this time of night?"



My Wife ........