Neg Nick "joke of the week"

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 16:32

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.



While attending a marriage weekend, Ken and his wife, Janet, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."



He then addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wifes favourite flower ?"



Ken leaned over, touched Janet's arm gently, and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it ?"



And thus began Ken's life of celibacy !

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 16:33

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"



"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."



"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.



"The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 17:20

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.



After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away.



Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away.



Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 17:24

Message 2. I laffed until I realised it is probably a true story but should I still be laughing more now ?

yenibob


Joined: 13/10/2010
Posts: 1203

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 17:50

NN, You certainly are.

Jefferson


Joined: 17/05/2010
Posts: 360

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 18:05

NN Look forward to them please keep them up.

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 18:05

A man goes into his local bookstore and asks the young lady assistant,



"Do you have the new book that’s out … for men with short penises?"



She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."



"That's the one … I'll take a copy."

happyvally


Joined: 03/01/2011
Posts: 53

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 18:29

> A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

>

> Paddy ordered a whisky.

>

> The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

>

> He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor

> touch my lips!"

>

> Paddy handed his drink back and said

>

> "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

>

>

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 18:38

mess 5 - what happened ? -was Yeniknob name already taken ??

JohhnyLee


Joined: 25/04/2009
Posts: 2495

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 18:56

Man and his wife driving down the rd, and they run over a Badger. They stop the car to investigate, the wife brings the Badger back to the car, and says to the husband its still alive,



He says right, get the poor thing in the car and we'll take it to the vets, she says well what shall I do with it, He says hold it between your legs to keep it warm,



She replies, its all wet and it stinks, husband replies, well just hold its nose tightly it wont bother him.

cyprustimes


Joined: 22/10/2010
Posts: 867

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 19:01

Good one Riaz ? message 10

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 19:09

mess 11 - funny you should say that.........



i've never seen johnny lee and riaz in the same room.............(and JL always stocking up on boot polish...)

paddywack


Joined: 04/05/2009
Posts: 959

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 20:08

Joke of the week is Neg nick or any week come to that.

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 20:11

mess 13........



nick, mack, padywack - leave this thread alone.............

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 20:13

How many men does it take to make a bacon sandwich?



Trick question, thats a womans job.    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 20:15

A fat kid comes home from school and says to his Mother, "I got the highest score in PE today."



"Well done," says his Mother.



"By the way Mum, what is BMI?"    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 20:16

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.



The landlord says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 20:17

Here we go again.

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 20:18

This thread is now closed. Reason: Thread went off topic.