Neg Nick "joke of the week" (take 2......)

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 22:56

Report from 2010 Statistics On Screening at Heathrow Airport



From The Border Security Service



Terrorist Plots Discovered 0

Transvestites 1,333

Hernias 11,485

Hemorrhoid Cases 30,172

Enlarged Prostates 18,249

Breast Implants 159,350

Natural Blonds 398

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 23:02

In a run-down part of East London a fire destroyed a dilapidated four-storey house that had been divided into four flats.



A Nigerian family of six Internet con artists and full time benefit cheats lived on the first floor... all six tragically perished in the fire.





A group of seven Islamic welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor... they too, all perished in the fire.





Six Albanian, gang banger, ex-cons - all claiming political asylum and living off the state for free, occupied the 3rd floor...they too, died.





But the middle aged British white couple who lived on the top floor miraculously survived the fire.



The Equal Opportunities Commission, Amnesty International, Rights activists, black community leaders and the British Islamic Council were all furious at the apparent racial inequality of the situation.

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
09/02/2011 23:03

A large motorcade of representatives from all five groups, together with the Home Secretary drove to the area, having demanded a meeting with the local chief fire officer. They made sure that a large pack of popular Press and TV had been briefed on the visit and so the motorcade was met by a huge gaggle of journalists, TV interviewers and cameras.





On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Africans, Black Muslims and Albanians all died in the fire and only the white couple lived.



One bemused chief fire officer quietly replied ...





"Because they were both at work."

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
10/02/2011 11:17

Msg 1 Very funny...



Msg 2 & 3 "Jokes are often used to pass along negative stereotypes about members of other groups because the veil of humour is seen to bestow a form of plausible deniability about the nature of the messages being imparted"



Would your joke have been as 'funny' if you'd included some feckless, fat, tarty, alcopop-swilling, chain-smoking British unmarried mothers in it? :(

Blackie


Joined: 20/12/2007
Posts: 129

Message Posted:
10/02/2011 13:06

Its nice to see that the head of the ommission for Racial equality took a very relaxed view of the remarks made on Top Gear concerning the Mexican Sports Car.



While we are on the subject



Why was the Scouser unhappy that his son was marrying a mexican



He didn't want his grandchildren to grow up too lazy to steal

Geoff1131MK11


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 396

Message Posted:
10/02/2011 14:47

An Irish man, a Manc and a scouser were working in the desert when they found an old oil lamp. As they cleaned it up a genie appeared and told them that they could have one wish each for finding the lamp.



The Irish man wished for all Irland to be fertile and produce enough food for his countrymen to live off. Done said the genie.



The Manc said he wanted a wall building to surround the area around Old Trafford, to keep all the evil non believers from his beloved Man U . Done said the genie.



The scouser ask for more details about the wall. The genie told him that it was 600ft high and 60ft thick and that no-one could get in or out of it.



Right said the scouser, fill the fecker with water!!!!

clayton


Joined: 30/11/2008
Posts: 1143

Message Posted:
10/02/2011 21:38

nice 1 geoff

MUSIN M


Joined: 26/06/2008
Posts: 1352

Message Posted:
10/02/2011 21:48

neg nick the joke of the week ,that,s not fair .









musin





long live the kktc

Zoots


Joined: 05/02/2011
Posts: 669

Message Posted:
10/02/2011 22:17

Groucho said



"Would your joke have been as 'funny' if you'd included some feckless, fat, tarty, alcopop-swilling, chain-smoking British unmarried mothers in it? :("



I love those ones. Found out today one of them was on £184 p/w benefits in l/a tenancy. Now I'm trying desperately to become pregnant.

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
11/02/2011 14:05

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First

is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.



As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites

him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a

spade.



Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he

disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat

anything.



Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp

house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with

coconuts.



He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them

both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to

himself, because lions eat anything..



He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
11/02/2011 14:07

He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.



He moves on to the last job which is

to collect honey from the South

American Bees. As soon as he starts he is

attacked by the bees. He grabs

the spade and smashes the bees

to a pulp. By now he knows what to do

and shovels them into the lions cage

because lions eat anything.



Later that day a new lion arrives at

the zoo. He wanders up to another

lion and says "What's the food like here?"







The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant,



today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees