The offside rule in football explained for girls

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 16:11

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The 'opposing' female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting. Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, 'whilst it is in flight' you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had 'actually been thrown' it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

borodave


Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 167

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 16:25

think that might be a tad complicated for a woman grouch

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 16:25

Very good explanation Groucho, but would the same apply if it was let's say a handbag !!

Vidal


Joined: 14/05/2009
Posts: 867

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 16:28

But what if you drop the purse and decide you'd rather have the pair you saw in the other shop anyway??

arrry



Joined: 19/08/2008
Posts: 1235

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 16:32

Message 4 ........then the assistant would wave play on !

Vidal


Joined: 14/05/2009
Posts: 867

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 16:38

Ah..NOW I get it!

arrry



Joined: 19/08/2008
Posts: 1235

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 16:48

And then it would be onto the next shop , then the next shop, then the next shop then the next shop, then the next shop............then back to the first one for an action replay ..!!!!!! Then it would more than likely go into extra time !!!! Then to a ....replay !!! Same time same place ....next week !!!Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh ....don't you just love shopping !

wanderer


Joined: 05/02/2009
Posts: 1653

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 17:01

Groucho the Lines"MEN" do not understand itvery well

e.g

Bowyer was onside and should have been a pen in Sundays final the keeper would then have been sent off saving his embarrassment in the last five minutes

Also Stoke vs Sandwell Tesco the tesco player was 2 yards off side when he had the ball passed to him

The woman linesman Massey from Coventry understands it ask Richard and Andy

BognorBelle


Joined: 08/01/2010
Posts: 66

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 17:04

Absolutley brilliant Groucho - I can now finally grasp the concept!! After a life time of confusion (mine that is) you have come up with an 'understandable' explanation - well done.



I alway thought Beckam and Co. were wimps; now I see why - it's all to do with shoe shops and hand bags. Makes perfect sense now you've pointed it out.



In the spirit of reciprocated favours, I'm almost moved to post "Gravy Making Mysteries For Men".

nicka


Joined: 06/11/2008
Posts: 76

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 17:15

Groucho... You may have opened a can of worms here...... I have a vision of "Ironing for begginers" as a subject soon...........

mrperfect


Joined: 18/01/2010
Posts: 400

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 17:28

whst ıf the defender of saıd purse(the husband) receıved ıt and proceeded to pay saıd assıstant??

BognorBelle


Joined: 08/01/2010
Posts: 66

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 17:37

Now here's another thought. What if I smacked the shopper in front of me around the back of the neck with my elbow, head butted the cashier, shot the assistant with my air rifle and legged it with the shoes? If I said "sorry" would it be OK to go and shop there again??

arrry



Joined: 19/08/2008
Posts: 1235

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 17:38

Yes !! But only if you play for Man Utd or Chelski !!

billyboy1


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 17:52

Thank god, someone has actually explained it to me in a language i can understand...lol

karakum5c



Joined: 18/03/2008
Posts: 1021

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 18:04

Men are Men !



Women are Women !





The reason the world is so screwed up is no one is allowed to be themselves anymore



Leave football to the Men !



Stop trying to emasculate men with so called equality laws and then complain that there are NO Real Men left.



What kind of girl wants to play football....................................................easy answer.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 18:24

There needs to be an addendum to the above rules:-

Should the two shoppers find themselves side by side in two or more queues to the tills then it's perfectly OK to receive said purse and jump forward to buy the shoes... As long as the feckless fat lass listening to the 'house' music, constantly adjusting her clothes and dreaming of losing her virginity, rather than serving customers, sees that at the precise point of throwing the purse you have not already strayed past the other shopper on your way to the till.

The chances of the side-on observer being able to judge the precise point of purse launch in relation to your relative position are distinctly remote as the shop's security camera re-plays will show all too often....

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 19:27

"As long as the feckless fat lass listening to the 'house' music, constantly adjusting her clothes and dreaming of losing her virginity..................."



What branch is it you are referring to?

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 19:30

Any ladies clothes or shoe shop in the UK!

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 22:21

Groucho

Thank you for your explanation, most kind, but I find it so hard to believe that any lady would behave so badly over something as mundane as a pair of shoes, I most certainly would not.

No, I'd get the bitch by the hair, a quick rugby tackle and smack her in the gob with my right hand while catching the purse off my mate with my left, pay the money and leg it before the ref had time to get his little book out, now that is how a real lady would react.

arrry



Joined: 19/08/2008
Posts: 1235

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 22:42

Message 19......................are you Rooney in disguise .......................??

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
01/03/2011 23:19

arrry

Wash your mouth out, just his name would mean divorce in our house.

arrry



Joined: 19/08/2008
Posts: 1235

Message Posted:
02/03/2011 00:32

Well the fat boy scored but didn't win .....