Joke:- The Irish Shopper ,,,,,,,,,,,,

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
05/03/2011 12:42

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"



The clerk asks, "Are you Irish?"



The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. “If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"



The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."



The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"



The clerk replied, "Because you're in B&Q."

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
05/03/2011 14:01

Paddy was taking a walk in the country. In a field he noticed something that intrigued him. Why doesn't this cow have any horns?



He asked the local farmer.



"Well sir, cattle can do damage with their horns so we usually keep them trimmed down with a hacksaw. You can also treat young calves so their horns never grow. And some breeds don't have any horns at all," the farmer replied.



The farmer continued, "But this cow doesn't have any horns because it is a horse!"

   

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
05/03/2011 14:07

Paddy and Seamus in a pickup truck drove to the timberyard. Paddy walked in to the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"Paddy said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.""All right. How long do you need them?"Paddy paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."After a while, Paddy returned to the office and said,"A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
05/03/2011 16:42

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.



"B'jeesus," said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is."



"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus.



"Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see," said Paddy.



"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy." replied Shamus.



"Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy.



"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.



"And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy.



"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
05/03/2011 16:42

And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.



"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.



"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy.



"I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.



So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.



As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life".



Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is".

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
05/03/2011 16:51

i liked that one pugwash x

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
05/03/2011 17:18

Pugwash - that's funny. ) )