Joke: Business Models Explained

brian24001


Joined: 23/03/2008
Posts: 606

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 13:42

Difficult financial times abound, the world calls it the credit crunch, but to many it is a golden opportunity to invest whilst stock prices are low.

It occurred to me that many people may look to the longer term for investment opportunities, and may want to consider various business models for their planned investment, the details below explain these model, and hopefully will help many in making an informed decision, if I help just one person, I will consider this worthwhile:



21 GLOBAL BUSINESS MODELS...........EXPLAINED WITH COWS



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.



COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.



FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.



NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

brian24001


Joined: 23/03/2008
Posts: 606

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 13:43

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...



TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.



SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.



AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

brian24001


Joined: 23/03/2008
Posts: 606

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 13:44

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.



A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows all supplied free of charge from an EU farming fund.

brian24001


Joined: 23/03/2008
Posts: 606

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 13:45

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.



A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.



AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have a long lunch.



A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.



A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

brian24001


Joined: 23/03/2008
Posts: 606

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 13:46

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.



AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.



A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are totally mad.



AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the shyt out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...



A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.



AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive...

robbie c


Joined: 07/07/2008
Posts: 176

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 16:14

Didnt you forget the Northern Cyprus System



You have 2 cows so we tax you on them both, then double it because we can.Charge you a tax because they drink water,then fine you for not having a licence for both cows.Tax you on the sale of the milk,and tax the cows as well

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 16:26

Well said robbie c.

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 16:53

robbie c



Thats why N Cyprus is a home from home for Brits!

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
20/11/2008 17:36

Hi robbie c,



Northern Cyprus System



I hope these cows were not imported