I need to Cyprify my car and driving skills

swyflot


Joined: 07/11/2008
Posts: 916

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 07:44

I don`t think my UK driving skills are good enough for Cyprus driving, so am going to change my habits,

any suggestions.

I have already removed the offside headlight for night driving,put one bald tyre on the front nearside and mixed radials and cross tread tyres.

have started smoking and have bought two mobiles.

Do i need indicators,wipers etc,better keep the indicators so i can indicate right,then turn left

Earlybird


Joined: 28/04/2009
Posts: 816

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 07:48

Oh dear, it's not funny really though is it? I am always horrified just how many are chatting on the phone with their eyes off the road.

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 07:51

Not that funny



remember A Daley (?)

magicart


Joined: 05/10/2008
Posts: 985

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 08:00

Whe you feel like a rest from driving do what the locals do-hand over the steering wheel to your 14year old son.

dorothea


Joined: 28/06/2010
Posts: 93

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 08:12

You must practice "Loosing Control of your Vehicle". The reported cause of most accidents.

MaggieAndBernie



Joined: 26/07/2008
Posts: 2012

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 08:14

I creep gingerly up & down the mountain from Baspinar, tooting my horn at every bend - usually at least one car/truck coming up or down on the wrong side of the road! sometimes several! then, they glare at me!

Swyflot you could also try a small child or baby on your knee!



No it's not funny at all earlybird but what can we do?



Maggie

elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 08:24

You should pay a visit to India, Cypriot driving is nothing. Even on motorways they drive in the wrong direction and its all normal.

ismet

magicart


Joined: 05/10/2008
Posts: 985

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 09:20

Last week we passed a guy driving a lorry and the passenger sitting to his left was a black goat-not wearing a seat belt of course.



You just couldn't make it up!!

magicart


Joined: 05/10/2008
Posts: 985

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 09:21

Last week we passed a guy driving a lorry and the passenger sitting to his left was a black goat-not wearing a seat belt of course.



You just couldn't make it up!!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 09:40

Stuart,

you must have your right arm dangling out of the window otherwise how will other drivers know you are:-

1. Going to launch out in front of them with 50ft to spare even though they are the only car on the road!

2. Going to swerve onto the RHS of the road for the last 100 metres before turning right even though your manoeuvre might involve them in a pile-up.

3. Able to smoke, talk on a mobile and drive one-handed - if you don't smoke, you must take it up - otherwise you can't be a real Cypriot motorist!

Hippo


Joined: 02/02/2007
Posts: 2070

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 09:45

You also need the ability to balance one child on your knee and at least 5 screaming others in the back.

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 09:54

@ msg 7, Elko2: (...) India. Even on motorways they drive in the wrong direction and its all normal. (...)



▶ So what? Bitish sources informed me that 600+ million Europeans do the same...

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 10:00

You also need a family member in the police to ensure immunity... as they do!

elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 10:21

Good one Hans. All these bloody foreigners

ismet

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 10:26

When pulling out from a side road, make sure the nose of your car will cause oncoming traffic to be forced to swerve round you, and NEVER look right before pulling out - it is only necessary to look LEFT.



Before pulling out, make sure that the oncoming vehicle is almost level with the junction you are pulling out from!



If you ' get your water cut off' - it'll always be your fault - unless you're a Cypriot!

swyflot


Joined: 07/11/2008
Posts: 916

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 11:23

Maggie and Bernie

So if i have a small child on my knee,could i disable my airbag

graycoul


Joined: 23/04/2009
Posts: 493

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 11:38

take your brake light and indicator bulbs out to save electric as you wont need them..!



also zebra crossing are not in use here so dont bother stopping or crossing on them..!!



always do a dangerous overtaking seconeds before turning left or into a pertol station..!!!



take your back seats out because no matter how many kids youve got they can all get on the front seat..!!

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 12:11

Learn your skills from the village Muhter and set a good example by ignoring all road safety regulations such as use of a motorcycle without heed to wearing a helmet, stopping at junctions etc etc

BizziLizzi


Joined: 02/08/2011
Posts: 855

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 12:21

Particularly if you are an expat you need to buy a very large four wheel drive, halogen headlights and ensure that they are adjusted to totally dazzle any oncoming driver in sensible saloon. Practice driving as close as possible to the vehicle in front so so can also dazzle through his rear view mirror. Score ten if he is forced to drive into a ditch,



Also turning right at a crossroads also pull over to the left hand side of the road and of course dont signal. That way you can confuse and block the view of the maximum number of people. Reverse procedure for turning left.

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 12:31

And don't worry if you run into the back of the vehicle in front because you're driving far too close to him/her; after all, it will be the other driver's fault because he/she shouldn't have been in front of you in the first place. Mind you, this may only work if you are a Cypriot.

BizziLizzi


Joined: 02/08/2011
Posts: 855

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 16:55

And dont forget parking! Dont. Just drive up to where you want to be and stop the car and leave it there - try to see how many people you can stop from getting out of proper spaces, or for a change block the entrance or exit. And dont forget to park where you can block a private driveway - if the owner complains wave airily and say "one minute" - they will understand of course than one minute in Cyprus is 20 anywhere else particularly if they are in a hurry to get out.

Giles


Joined: 16/08/2011
Posts: 256

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 17:12

It is a well known fact that the climate in Cyprus is injurious to physical health. This has led to a whole generation of people being unable to walk more than 5 metres to a shop. A little understanding (and patience) by newly arrived ex-pat's would not go amiss.

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 18:53

Also, try and see things sometimes from the pedestrian's perspective. For instance, if you are courteous enough to slow down or stop to let a pedistrian cross the road, try to understand that there is no need for them to hurry across and certainly no need for them to acknowledge your good manners. So, when they saunter across the road in front of you (usually with a look of disdain on their faces), give them a cheery wave and a smile - this goes a long way towards cordial relations between visitors and locals. And remember - a smile costs nothing

BizziLizzi


Joined: 02/08/2011
Posts: 855

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 18:53

Dont forget the Highway Code



At a junction or on a narrow road where the right of way is not clear flashing headlights mean



1. I am giving you precedence , please go ahead



2. I am bigger than you, just dont dare get in my way or else.



Guessing which adds spice to your journey



Flashing headlight by oncoming vehicle on opposite side means



1. Are my lights working?



2. Merhaba, nasilsiniz



3. Police check/speed trap ahead



4. Lets see if I can make all those idiots going the other way panic and slow down.

janjin



Joined: 10/04/2008
Posts: 488

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 20:40

Don't forget the over taking manoeuvre with slowing down when overtaking done!!!

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 20:43

Never, ever stop at a red light, if there is a TC behind you he will shout and scream at you for stopping, and what is it with the flashing lights on ambulances?

BizziLizzi


Joined: 02/08/2011
Posts: 855

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 00:07

There used to be a brilliant parking system in Paris in the 60s. No-one left their handbrake on, so if a car trying to park finding a space just too short could shunt vehicles for and aft to make enough room.



DO NOT try this at home!

newscoop


Joined: 23/12/2007
Posts: 2197

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 00:27

For DC'S sake it should be said that 75 countries drive on the left including India and Pakistan which probably means his 600 million Europeans are outnumbered.



Japan are also on that list which is why there is such a big market here for their cars.



The reason why is because in the old days riders rode on the left so as to keep their sword hands free if attacked.



Presumably they were right handed.



It was that little European tyro Napoleon who started the trend towards driving on the 'wrong side'

swyflot


Joined: 07/11/2008
Posts: 916

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 07:31

Thought i would try and emulate all thes macho guys who do wheelies on the main roads,

tried to do a wheelie, but my car just flipped onto its roof, fun though

swyflot


Joined: 07/11/2008
Posts: 916

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 07:35

really got it sussed,have bought an old Renault Dauphin,remember the one that looked the same front and back,am fitting head lights on the rear,that should really confuse them, and i can drive on any side of the road

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 08:13

Stuart, you now need to get someone to give your 'new' motor a broadside so that your car crabs sideways along the road.. if the rear wheels follow the front ones it just won't look 'Cypriot'

newscoop


Joined: 23/12/2007
Posts: 2197

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 09:39

There used to be an old escort in Karaoaglangolu that was so obviously a cut and shut.



Loads of times in the wet the back overtook the front.



Haven't seen it for ages.



Wonder if it's been scrapped?

Enrico


Joined: 07/12/2008
Posts: 209

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 10:51

Why do tho MOT testers make such a song and dance about having mudflaps fitted in this dry ish country yet completely ignore that large percentage of vehicles that have headlights. that blind oncoming motorists.

And why do so many locals walk about in the dark wearing dark clothing?

Quarmby


Joined: 15/09/2008
Posts: 975

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 11:33

Learn to be more considerate to road users, keep the roads clear, you should park on the pavements, especially in the Girne oneway system. you know it makes sense.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 11:52

If there is no pavement to be had, a zebra crossing make a good alternative!

Lundunsip


Joined: 03/02/2009
Posts: 38

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 12:00

DON'T REMOVE YOUR INDICATORS!!!

How on earth will you use your hazard lights with no indicators? As we all know, turning on ones hazard lights entitles you to park absolutely anywhere at anytime - double or triple parking, parking on roundabouts, parking on busy street corners - all hunky dory as long as your hazards are on ;)

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 12:22

A white cane and very dark glasses helps to pass any written and practical tests!



Richard

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 12:27

Message 36 - many thanks for that. For years I've wondered what possible use indicators were; after all, they're never used to "indicate". Now that you've explained about the hazard lights, it's all become clear!

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 13:01

Newscoop. If you tried to keep up with the neighbours by parking the cut and shut in the road outside your home instead of on the driveway it could have been stolen for spares. You should be very suspicious if you come across a neighbour who sports a petrol driven food mixer with no silencer or exhaust pipe !

magicart


Joined: 05/10/2008
Posts: 985

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 13:08

Say your prayers before every journey!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 13:26

Jeannie, they also confer the status of 'Ambulance' on the driver....

daisythedog


Joined: 17/07/2009
Posts: 73

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 20:55

just love your post Stuart,

at last one that has so far produced 41 good humoured and funny replies.

what a change from so many posts on this board.

BizziLizzi


Joined: 02/08/2011
Posts: 855

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 22:39

Oh and another for four wheel drivers - you already know might is right and you can terrorise all other road users, but are you lazy about parking? Dont just rely on the fact that you already take up the space of two normal vehicles when with a bit more effort you could monopolise three or four.



And for these vehicles you dont even have to be Cypriot - other races can do this jus as well and you have the advantage that innocent compatriots may actually expect you to have read the Highway Code.

swyflot


Joined: 07/11/2008
Posts: 916

Message Posted:
29/10/2011 00:49

Bizzie Lizzy

Please explain what is this thing you are talking about, highway code ,is this a road

swyflot


Joined: 07/11/2008
Posts: 916

Message Posted:
29/10/2011 00:50

Bizzie Lizzy

Please explain what is this thing you are talking about, highway code ,is this a road

swyflot


Joined: 07/11/2008
Posts: 916

Message Posted:
29/10/2011 00:53

Come on you people,last time i posted this thread, i got 400 plus sugestions,that was 4 years ago

use your imagination

noisy brakes,smear some oil on the pads