The Deaf Wife Problem (Joke)

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 12:00

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 12:01

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response..

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

.

.

.

'For F*** sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 12:29

Groucho.

flutterby


Joined: 11/01/2008
Posts: 214

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 12:47

Very funny.......Hmmmm that does sound familiar

mikelapta



Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 2186

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 13:19

When they went to bed the same hearing problems.So the husband said to the wife "If you want sex just tug my penis once,and if you do not want sex,tug it 100 times !!!! "

gemini39


Joined: 16/09/2011
Posts: 89

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 13:33

one wife to another "after 20 years of sex my hubbie still falls asleep after" other friend " after 20years I dont mind if mine falls asleep before sex"

Jonesy299


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 367

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 14:45

My aged aunt was diagnosed with the onset of altzheimers but was encouraged to walk to improve her health.

She started to walk 3 miles every day.... it's been 6 weeks and we haven't got a clue where she is now!!!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 16:17

Bob is unemployed and applies for a job as a janitor at Microsoft. A manager at Human Resources interviews him in detail then asks him to wipe a few floors as a test.



"OK," says the interviewer, "you're hired. Just give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the necessary documents."

Bob says that he doesn't have a computer, so obviously has no e-mail address. The Microsoft interviewer tells him that without an e-mail address he virtually doesn't exist, so the company is unable to hire him.

Disappointed and frustrated, Bob leaves the building with only 10 dollars in his pocket. He decides to go to the nearest supermarket and buy 10 pounds of tomatoes. He sells the tomatoes door-to-door and within two hours has doubled his capital. He repeats the process three times and ends up with 160 dollars.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 16:18

Realising that he can make a living this way, Bob works hard from early morning to late at night. Every day, he doubles or even triples his capital. After a short time, he buys a small van, then a truck, and soon he has an entire fleet for his deliveries.

Within 5 years, Bob has established one of the largest food retail chains in the USA. He decides to think about his future and wants to get a financial plan drawn up for himself and his family. He contacts a financial consultant and they compile a pension plan. At the end of the discussion, the consultant asks Bob for his e-mail address in order to send him the corresponding documents, only to hear that Bob still does not own a computer and has no e-mail address.

"That's weird," says the consultant. "You have built up a massive retail empire and you don't even have an e-mail address. Just imagine what you would have achieved if you'd had a computer."

Bob thinks for a minute, then says: "I'd be a janitor at Microsoft."

j200mey


Joined: 06/02/2011
Posts: 81

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 17:26

AS A DEAF PERSON THAT IS NOT FUNNY IT IS A DISABILITY WE HAVE SO GIVE IT UP

EamonnMc


Joined: 18/06/2010
Posts: 1019

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 17:33

Msg 10,



I'm half deaf myself but one thing I have and value, is my sense of humour. You are easily offended , in my opinion. This is a joke thread after all.

Jonesy299


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 367

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 17:37

YOUR CAPITAL LETTERS AMPLIFY THAT POINT... but I still quite liked the original joke from Groucho and the subject was hard of hearing not complete loss of hearing (i.e. deaf).



I am as upset as the next person when a joke oversteps the mark - this is not one of them though....

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 17:41

One of the reason

I do not post jokes so often

is that they get deleted or I get banned

when I made jokes about the concordia

deleted yet 2 days later another person posted them ok ?

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 17:53

The joke wasn't even about the wife being hard of hearing it was one of perception.... his poor hearing giving rise to the impression that his wife couldn't hear him... but I guess some people don't get it. :(

mikelapta



Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 2186

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 18:53

I hope you will like this one:



Two old couples walking along the road,the men in front,women 2 paces behind.

One man to the other man:"We went to a lovely restaurant last night"the other asked

"Oh,lovely,what was the name of this restaurant?"

The other replied"Um,um,what's the name of the flower with thorns,that smells nice?"

Reply "Rose"

"Yes,that's it !!!"He turns to his wife and asks "Rose,what's the name of the restaurant we went to last night?"



Mike

ttoli


Joined: 24/03/2007
Posts: 1172

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 22:08

The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.

Tellis


Joined: 02/02/2012
Posts: 41

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 22:30

Post 16 - a bit below the belt is it not - how many people died? Obviously none of your family or friends!

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 22:35

I think he was referring to something a "bit below the belt" but i can understand why it could leave a nasty taste in your mouth.

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 22:39

Msg 16. you were warned

Personally not offended

I do wonder if these people have TVs ?

Turtle


Joined: 28/05/2007
Posts: 2669

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 22:44

Coops ) )

Tellis


Joined: 02/02/2012
Posts: 41

Message Posted:
02/02/2012 22:44

sorry, but when did the death of people become a joke?

Sick!